| This will be a bit of a long one I'm afraid, I'll try to cover as much ground as possible to try and explain my feelings. I'm quite blunt, black and white, so some bits may come across quite arrogant/over-confident, and I'm really not. I'm not actually even sure what my question is, but I'm hoping this will be a therapeutic process nonetheless! I'm male, 29, UK. I've struggled with long-term relationships for years, I've realistically only had one (2.5 years) which was over long before I finally called it off. But I've had several shorter relationships that I've gone along with even once the "new car smell" has worn off. I tend to have a habit of grinning and bearing it as I'm too soft to end it. I've got a couple of self-confidence issues but I think we all have really. Outwardly I'm perfectly normal, I have a lot of friends, get on with most people, good level of social intelligence, I'm quite funny and well liked although looked upon sometimes as a little bit too forward I guess, I'm the person who will say what everyone is thinking when it might not be appropriate. I'm a bit weird; I'm a bit of a loner and really enjoy locking myself away from the real world, often for days on end (aside from daily routine of work and gym), watching boxsets, playing computer games and generally just being left alone. I really like this, I don't generally brood, I'm just content with my own thoughts and not having to appease or have forced, pointless conversations with people. I don't like people generally, I tend to treat people I don't know with disdain and like they're stupid until they prove otherwise. I appreciate this is a flaw in my own personality. I wasted most of my teens and early twenties trying to be popular and get laid. I had an epiphany at some point around 22-24 where I suddenly realise I didn't have to like football, get pissed every weekend, do things and act certain ways. I stopped caring so much what others thought and did my own thing. Not only was this truly invigorating, it got me laid. I've moved around the country a fair bit, mostly the last 3 years as I started a new job (I got made redundant and ended up taking a step back into a trainee scheme to progress long term, where I'm at now). Moving away did me a world of good and I finally came into myself. I made new friends and almost felt a level of contentment I've never really experienced. I loved being free of responsibility and accountability (outside work of course) and enjoyed being single. I admit I was a bit of a slag, I've slept with a LOT of women in the past 3-4 years, more than I can honestly count (I guess around 100 give or take). I'm at an age now where the words of my dad are starting to resonate, ("growing old alone when all your friends have families will not be fun"), and part of me is leaning towards a time of life where I want children, and more adult pursuits. That said, I can never seem to turn off the "dog" in me; I love the challenge of chasing new women, I love flirting and all the fun, I love sex, I prefer sporadic sex with lots of different people than loads of sex with one person. I crave attention from women (though I don't demand it). I absolutely adore women, but not one in particular, all of them. This will sound bigheaded but I seem to have a personality which makes women really take to me very quickly, a lot of girls I start to have a relationship with get really emotionally involved very quickly. Not all obviously, I've been played a good 'un a few times, but more often than not girls really like me really quickly. Recently I got with a girl while working away from home, and immediately prior to relocating for my job again. It was a bit of a whirlwind holiday-type romance that just seemed to continue once I left to move back north. In many ways the long-distance element works well for me as I get the enjoyment of being in a relationship a lot of weekends, but also the freedom to be the loner I am who sits around in his underwear ignoring his phone and knocks at the door! But despite this, and despite her being a great girl and very well suited for me (most of the time!), after the honeymoon period of the new relationship I don't have that same desire she does to spend every possible moment together. I don't enjoy the hour-long phone calls about nothing, I don't enjoy lying in bed cuddling for hours, I get impatient when she hasn't left when I wanted her to. It's almost like I see things as an obstacle in the way of me going back to my things, back to what I want to do. I also hate having my time organise for me, I'm a nightmare to make plans with as I like to decide at the time, when it suits my situation, do what I want to do. I know this is very selfish, I don't know how to change this? If I was asexual I doubt I'd ever really do anything other than work > gym/sports > alone time. Most people would say, "she's not the right girl if you don't feel like that", but I don't believe that. I always, always end up being like this no matter how absolutely infatuated I was with a girl at the start. I want to grow up and have a good, monogamous relationship. I haven't cheated on this girl but then I haven't been truly tested, as I've relocated and been pretty much a hermit. I suspect that if it was offered on a plate I'd take it as I'm just so conditioned to satisfying my own need for instant gratification. I don't want to be looking sideways through my sunglasses on the beach wishing I could go and chat the bikini-clad girls up. I just want to grow up, stop being so self-centred, enjoy life and discover contentment, something I don't think I've ever found. I can remember someone on a forum saying that he's met people like me before. They slag it up, then get a bit old for it and slag it up with less attractive women, then eventually reach a point where they're too old to go out getting new women and end up bored and lonely. I don't want to be that guy. If you've read all that then fair play. | |||
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