Husband's Friendship with Another Woman

My closest friend and I have been friends since 3rd grade. She in fact introduced me to my husband of 17 years. She was friends with him before I was. They continued their friendship over the years, but I was never uncomfortable with it or saw any problems until her husband was tragically passed away. Around the same time he passed, my husband lost his high paying job. It was an extremely stressful time for all of us. She was living out of state at the time and decided to move back home (where we live) to be close to her mother and friends to deal with the death of her husband. My husband become very depressed with losing his job and we almost lost our home. He eventually found another job but it doesn't make as much as his last one and we are struggling financially. She and my husband began texting more frequently and she would come over and spend the weekends with us. This was still fine with me. But then she would invite him over for ****tails on the way home from work and that's when the problems started. They were at her place alone and he would share with her and vent on things I would do that annoyed him. He also told her that when I don't give him enough sex he feels unsuccessful! She encouraged him to see a therapist and said therapy was helping her deal with many things. He made an appt with a therapist but didn't tell me he was struggling and was going for help. I found out the day he went for his first appt when I questioned why he couldn't help me pick up a kid from soccer practice. I guess I "dragged" it out of him. I later learned the y texted for an hour after his appt and he never bothered to call and let me know how it went and instead said his therapist said he doesn't have to discuss his therapy appt.s with me. Needless to say, I confronted her on this and she was offended and very defensive for thinking that I even was feeling upset over this and proceeded to tell me there is nothing going on between them. I likewise shared with him on several occassions that this is bothering me and I want him to stop calling her and texting her, that if they were going to spend time together that I was to be invited. His own therapist advised my suggestion. The therapist then wanted me to attend a session with him, well he canceled it and now has stopped going saying therapy is a waste of time and money and isn't working for him. They are still texting and calling each other. Basically, my feelings have been DISMISSED as they say nothing is going on between them they are just friends! Meanwhile, my marriage is going down the tubes and the husband blames me and says that I am pushing him away. So, I started going to my own therapist which helps me, but doesn't help my marriage since he won't go with me or attend any other couples session. I know I am right, but thoughts from others are welcome.

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