| I have been in a relationship for almost two years now. The first few months were great... I thought my girlfriend only had eyes for me, just as I only had eyes for her. My whole world spun around her cause I liked her and she made me feel like I was the most important person in the world for her. She made me feel special, liked and loved. Everything was fun, I enjoyed being with her and with my friends. No uncertainties crept into my mind, and I felt positive all the way, basically showing the best of my personality with little worries and just looking to be happy with myself and my girl. In these first months I always put her first and foremost in anything I did, I used to pick her up from work after my work take her home and be with her, having to drive back home 30 minutes at night, several times a week, just to be with her. On every "special" occasion like Christmas, Valentine's, her birthday I surprised her with gifts: watches, shoes, necklaces and on our first anniversary even a diamond ring (nothing big! Just a small one) to symbolise our love for each other, not an engagement ring but just a demonstration of love and affection cause I could sense she really wanted a ring and in fact she was very happy with it (I actually placed the box of the ring in a shoebox and wrapped everything up, to mislead her into thinking it was just a pair of shoes!) I used to surprise her with a rose and chocolates every now and then as well, I really love being romantic with her. But then I started realising certain things, some of which I didn't expect from her. I noted that she really likes watching pics of other people on social networks (especially facebook) even when I'm sitting right next to her. Occasionally I gave a look at her monitor, seeing groups of persons I do not know, girlfriends with other guys and obviously some guys featured in some of the photos she used to see. Sometimes she specifically went on profiles of guys she does not know, maybe having seen them in some picture of a friend of hers' or acquaintance. This frustrated me as I saw it as an "obsession" over other people, what they're doing, who they're with and so on. I told her about it but basically she brushed it off as no big deal and plain curiosity. This attitude was the first step to making the relationship less easy for me. The next episode happened when we were going out once and I saw a facebook message from a male colleague of hers, telling her he is going to be at an event we were attending. She never mentioned him, though I was aware of him as she had accepted his friend request a few weeks before. At the event we met this colleague of hers coincidentally, they stopped to talk, she introduced me to him and I observed how she acted around him. I couldn't help noticing how much he made her laugh, not that it is difficult cause she is a joyous type of person. But there really seemed to be good chemistry between them. At that point my mind was thinking "where did he come from??" and "how come she is so close to him, she barely knows him and he works in a different section from her at work based on what I know about my gf's work... it means they talk often and they are more than just acquaintances..." Up to this poi nt I had considered myself naive in this relationship....in the sense that I never, ever worried about people she was meeting or talking to at work ...I had full confidence in myself and in her, cause in my eyes it was all about us, just me and her, and no one else. But this episode changed things completely, and there was more to come... I started being more careful about my gf from this point on, observing her more, sort to speak. Later on in the same month I had the opportunity to check her fb account to check what she was up to. She didn't know I was seeing it as she left the PC unattended, and i know I was eavesdropping and it is not something nice to do, but my gut instinct pushed me to do it. I was in for a big disappointment... I found a short chat she started with a friend of mine we used to go out with. Ironically, when we used to be out with him she didn't talk to him much (due to being shy of him, my conclusion) but here she started off with some "small talk" to get a conversation started in the chat...something of the sort "thanks for getting us tickets for that party cause I forgot to tell you on the day", continuing with asking him about work and studies. My friend did not get on with the conversation much, giving short answers and cutting her off, so the conversation was not very long... Prior to going out with my gf I had mentioned her to my friend as he was already a friend of hers' on facebook, and he mentioned he didn't know her but she had added him as a friend without knowing him before knowing me. The chat was dated 4 months after we had started our relationship,..we were quite close already and she had met all my family and was already being invited over to eat at my place. An impor tant point to mention is that my friend is richer than me...he had invited us to one of the 3 houses his family owns, a penthouse overlooking the sea and my girlfriend was invited with me and came to his house. In the past months I have also seen that her family are very materialistic, wanting to know what everyone they know does, how much they earn...they are obsessed with money, so I thought maybe she has the same lust for more money than I can offer with my humble job and earnings. This "discovery" caused me to see my girlfriend from an entirely new perspective... it made me feel like a "second choice" or rebound option... she had tried to be with my friend before knowing me, that's ok, but then she was in a relationship with me and she hit on my friend behind my back! This has changed things completely. There are more details such as occasionally I started checking her browsing history, finding out she frequently visits the profiles and sees photos of her male work colleagues including the one mentioned above and other new ones who start working with her. As I am getting to "see" these things in her I am loving her less and less. I am feeling disrespected and humiliated. I am uncomfortable around my friends, especially in her presence as it is awkward for me knowing she'd choose my friend over me, hands down. I realised she can't resist looking at other handsome guys, even when she is holding my hand! Or looking at pictures of other guys on the intern et. In front of me, when we are on our own I feel loved, which is why I still love her, but with all the above in my mind I feel too angry and disappointed... I cannot love her the same way, I don't feel like buying her flowers, gifts or anything... I don't feel like having her children in the future...I feel that we see love differently, cause she thinks she loves me but for me that is not love...she used to tell me she loves me even when she tried to chat with my friend...is that what "love" is to her?? I am really trying to put all this behind me and love her like I once did, but it is so so difficult for me...the anger is too much...I'd rather be alone than pretend and have someone who doesn't love me the way I love them. ... Thanks to anyone who has the patience and resilience to read the whole thing and share comments... | |||
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