I read that writing helps with anxiety. Please critique

I'm lost, scared, angry, fearful, and hurt by all of this. It all came at me like a freight train that I thought I heard coming but didn't see until it was too late. Everything flashed before my eyes and I saw our life together. I saw all the happiness, our mistakes, our anger, our love, our hate, and the way things were. In an act of desperation I clung onto our lives together. I threw everything I could I pleaded, I begged, and I cried. I planned for scenarios to fix things and I have no choice but to let things drift apart between us. I can't help but hope that time apart will heal old wounds and open a door for us. I can't help but be scared that old wounds won't heal and doors will open for us to walk our separate ways. I see my faults, I see my shortcomings, I see my mistakes, I also see what faults to fix, I see what shortcomings to make better, and I see what mistakes not to repeat. I can't push the pain down to my stomach and ignore things. I've ignored things for far too long. I can't help but say it'll be better, I can change even though I said it before. This time is different cause I realized what I need changed. A simple act of driving to the store while complaining isn't an act of love. An act of love is to remember why I'm driving to the store and that reason is you. I can't promise change overnight but I can promise you I will change even more than I have. I realize that marriage isn't something you obtain then settle. It's something that once you have you work with. Like a tree it requires water, sunlight, and fresh air. Our marriage requires communication, warm smiles and tender moments, and time together. I always enjoyed our time staying on the couch quietly watching TV, lying in bed silent, our simple kisses goodbye or goodnight. I was happy with what we had. You want to dance under the star, you want to talk about everything under the stars, and you want to a passionate kiss to remind you that I love you. I had what I thought was a perfect marriage; the family, the dog, the house, and you sitting quietly by my side. I was wrong. Given the chance I promise you remain your prince charming. The man who will sweep you off your feet and tell you how beautiful you are. The man who will easily pluck the moon from the night sky and hold it next to you because it was harder to obtain something much more beautiful. I would be the man who will joke, laugh, and cry about our days every day. I am being selfish when it comes to you. I selfishly want to command the sun to shine on your brightest days and the rain to pour to cover your tears. I realize that I can't tear down the walls around your heart. You built your walls with the the bricks and mortar I callously left lying while focusing on my own projects. I am slowly removing the plank from my eyes to see what needs to be torn down and rebuilt in myself. I am receiving new heart filled with only understanding, joy, laughter, and acceptance now. A gift I have received thru much hurt and healing. This gift belongs to someone special and that special someone will come. Posted via Mobile Device

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