Given up on him.

So there's been this boy for the last year and a half who I have had a terrible crush on. It was so bad over the last few months that I could barely muster the energy to do anything. I was driven mad by the hopeless longing. You know that feeling like your heart is swelling and throbbing and just hurts? I had that for so long. It was so bad, it was controlling me. I had no motivation to revise, and I'm sure my results next week are going to reflect that. My life completely revolved around him. My whole day revolved around the lessons in which I'd see him, or when I knew that I would pass him in the corridors or see him in the library. I would build up my whole day to these points, and I'd keep messing them up. My shyness was so bad, even though we were friendly I still immensely struggled to pluck up the courage and say things to him. Which made me feel so depressed. I liked him so, so much, but my shyness couldn't let me express it. My behaviour to him must have looked so weird - I must have seemed so grumpy and boring, but I was just so scared to show too much enthusiasm that I acted so casually around him I made things so much worse. I wrote all that in past tense, but I'm lying to myself; I'm still completely fallen over him (is that even a phrase?)in my heart, I can't help it, but my head knows it's time to give up. It's just so hard. I wish ... so badly that he had responded. But he was, for the majority of the time, completely uninterested in me. There was the odd occasion when he did something surprising, like he came over and talked to me one on one, and actually seemed interested, but these moments did me no good in the long run - they just fuelled my longing and desires for him even more. Uuuuurgh. I've given up on him, but I haven't got over him. Does that make sense? Oh unrequited love, why is it so cruel. :( How should a shy girl act to get a boy to like her back... it's impossible!! I don't expect anyone to know the answer, as all situations are different. Sigh. This thread is rather pointless, isn't it? May as well post it now I've written it, anyway.

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