| Hi all I'm hoping you can help me out a little. My husband and I have had a really difficult last few years due to illness, bereavement and financial difficulties. It's been really tough on us both plus we have 2 teenage children to worry about. I have opened up to my H and asked for his support and help dealing with all these issues but he turns off and backs away. We have been together for 19 yrs and married for 14 of those. We have had ups and downs due to him spending far too much time on his computer and not wanting to be social. He usually leaves me and storms off on nights out, starts an argument or has a headache and wants us to leave early. If we are out he doesn't like me to leave his side all night if it's my friends. If it's his friends he's quite happy to leave me there and go off with them ( I'm not bothered by this as I'm very outgoing). He would text me on my nights out with my friends around 10 times to see where I was or what time I would be home, telling me I shouldn't stay out past 2am as I'm a married woman, where as when he was out I would leave him to it. I nipped all this in the bud and explained he would not stop me from going out and the jealousy had to stop. It did to a point where I can deal with it. I know he has insecurity issues but I refuse to give in to them. We worked together and things got better and he stopped the texting. I trust him 100% but I feel he does not trust me even though I have never gave him any reason not to. Anyway last year I lost my job then my Grandad died and my H had his hours cut. Plus I have been plagued with ill health going on 6 yrs. We are struggling so much financially. We both hit low patch and its difficult to remain optimistic. My H has been unbearable to live with,snapping at the kids and me, not talking, not going anywhere, no cuddles, kissing or sex. He's lazy and puts everything off for another day. He's angry and aggressive when I try speaking to him. The calmer I am the more angry he is. I'm no Angel,i get angry and upset too but I tell him how I'm feeling, apologise and hug him. I have asked him to by help in the past as well as the present regarding his anger but he won't have any of it ( he has never been physically violent) he refuses to even see a doctor to be evaluated for depression. I am trying so very hard to hold us together but feel I'm doing it all on my own. He does not want to do any of the things I like to do, like walking, going out with friends, going out to eat. He would rather stay in on his days off and just watch tv all day. Even in the morning he gets up and then is straight on his phone doing God knows what. I asked him here does he think our marriage is going when we don't even spend time together or even go to bed together. He just shrugs then asks me what do I expect him to do. I'm only in my 30's, I spent all my 20's in and out of hospital and now I want to make most of our lives. I want to laugh, be happy go out, have spontaneous sex, act like kids but he does nine of this and hasn't even shown the desire to. What can I do? Is there anything I haven't thought of? Am I doing something wrong? I dunno anymore I just want us to be happy. Thanks for taking the time to listen :-) | |||
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