| Okay I didn't know where to put this really. I promise to be perfectly honest and I'll answer anything you guys here ask. I need some sort of unbiased justly advice. I was asked to leave the family home four nights ago, I have been married to my wife for a year and 3 days now. We totally missed our anniversary. We have a very young daughter. Now my parents have said give it time and take a break from one another - but what then? I desperately fear I am loosing her. I want her to really think things through about us, it is her decision what she wants to do with our marriage. I just want her to be sure. I am very scared. I saw her today and she was still wearing her wedding ring (she came to give me our daughter). And I know she is trying to be amicable about our child. She wanted to talk today and but I said no, only because I didn't want to be any more sad after we talked when I was looking after Emily (our daughter). I am sometimes, prone to laziness like the day I left the house was a mess and all I did was play WoW. Now I did explain that I was feeling very ill, so ill mentally that I made an appointment to see a specialist. But as the day went on I asked her something for a hug and she said no I saw her reaction and asked her if she loved me? She said she didn't know and that left me feeling very empty and alone. She has been feeling a lone too, some nights she would fall asleep on my lap while I would play computer games early into the morning. I hadn't realised that annoyed her, I know when I would get up in the night to play them or entertain myself to escape my constant nightmares that that annoyed her. Yet I don't believe she realises how bad my nightmares are. Even being away from her I am still hunted by them. That very night she told me she was having nightmares, I already knew this, she had talked about them before. Although now I know by her telling me that the person the dreams revolve around taking our daughter is one of my ex-girlfriends. I wish she told me, seeing as on a bad week I can have multiple dreams per night of my wife having graphic sex with other men – her previous partners. I don't blame her but I feel as if she holds it against me because she fears the girl taking our child is always there in her head. The origin of the nightmares on her part are from my ex-girlfriend saying she wanted to get back with me and we could raise my wife's and my child with her too (this happened between 7-8 months ago). We were married at this point. While my nightmares start when we were courting and the intensity of them increased when we moved in with one another and periodically every month if not twice she would give detail of her having sex with her previous partners. These are the partners she made me aware of on the street and on he internet, so I know them by face and others too by name (these problems started during and before we were married). Now we didn't help each other by us talking to these individuals, I constantly talked to my ex-girlfriend. While she unvarying talked to five guys (of what I counted). I caught a few rather sexual texts that weren't fuelled really, but they were not halting responses by her. I cannot even describe how many times these problems have came up and hurt us both. She always said I was the best husband she could have possibly ask for, so I am still a little confused with what to do. A few weeks back, I wanted to leave – due to her nagging about things I at the time deemed pointless, like dirty clothes on the floor and things like that. Now in fairness I have tidied our house from top to bottom, like when she was pregnant – giving birth in hospital, the house was immaculate. Every now and then when she went out I was able to do the same, whilst looking after our child. Like I said before on the night I was asked to leave I hadn't moved an inch apart from my bed and didn't do anything. In addition to this I have become quite complacent with her looking after our daughter. Like if I am asleep and she has woken me up to help her change our daughter, I am snappy and angry. I remember the night before I was like this. We have been away from each other for a while now and need some help. I haven't been texting her, I only text back if she texts me – because I know she needs space from me and I am trying hard to give her that. I want her back, but I need her to be better. I can't take her saying she will change and going back to being the same the next day. I've tried giving her notes before, saying I love her and want things to get better, but I guess she didn't know what to say back etc. She has depression and has done for years, but it has gone shamefully untreated. She has had a few appointments and now she has got and is taking medication but I can only imagine you how lonely she has been. I have been trying to tell her she has me and Emily and she should be happy to know we are save, healthy and love her. I stupidly tried to make her believe that, though now I see it was just annoying her and making her feel guilty. It is true that if take a step back and see what is before you, it can totally change your perception. I just feel like everything is such a mess, I wanted the perfect little family to be married then have a lovely little family but now all of those hopes and dreams are being shattered too, I would love a family but I just can't see that ever happening now, I wanted my wife to be the mother of all my children but I will never marry again and I really don't want anyone else to mother my children. It's all such a mess, and I don't know where to go from here, do I take the plunge and move on (not relationship wise), just move on as in move out of my parents (I'm looking at doing a house share with some friends) in the hopes that it will make her realise that my life won't stand still for him but also with the risk of getting to the point where even if she does realise that he wants me back I'll be too guarded then to let her back into my life or do I stay at my parents at a stand still but keep the hope so that I'll be open to a reconciliation if and when the time comes? That idea is stupid, I just don't know. Please help, I am desperate. | |||
| | |||
| | |||
|
No comments:
Post a Comment