Disposed

My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years. He left me on Christmas Eve '12. In the past year, I have come to the conclusion that he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Even knowing this, my despair and devastation is intense. I can't let go. To be completely honest, he is making a fool of me. I have allowed myself to be convinced that this is all my fault, and if I try hard enough I can fix it. The more time I have to think, I understand that his manipulation has influenced me to feel this way. Still, I obsess over how to get him home. I feel like half of me is missing. I would do almost anything to have him home again. Is this textbook for a victim of a narc? I have never been the bottom in a relationship before. Men were very replaceable to me until him. Why is this so HARD?

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