| I'm new to all this so if everyone would be patient with me as I learn I would appreciate it. Right after new years my husband of almost 25 years decided to leave. No warning, we had just gone through christmas and everything was fine. He called me on his way home and asked me to meet him in the car, that he had something to tell me. At that point I got a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. After 25 years we went through alot of crisis and never has he wanted to discuss it outside the house. Sure enough I went out to the car and he told me he was leaving. He loved me but wasn't happy and had not been happy in a while. I suggested we were at a point where we both needed to work on things and we could go to MC. He said no, he found someone else and it had been going on for a while. I could have the house and I wouldn't have to go back to work for a while, he would give me money to pay the bills. I wanted to know who it was but he refused to say and wanted to know how I wanted to tell the kids (D-23 S-20 S-15 all living at home). He said he we would talk in a few days when things calmed down. I kept asking who it was and if I knew the OW but he wouldn't answer the question so he shuts the car off and comes into the house. Just as he was about to speak I yelled out "your father is leaving, he is not happy with me, he found someone else" I know I could have handled that better but I was so furious and hurt at that point I didn't know what else to do, I really felt like throwing something at him instead. He then went into the bedroom to grab his things at which point I followed him and warned him he would end up loosing his kids over this and he replied no he wouldn't, they would understand. He then tried to get out of the house as soon as possible. We didn't hear from him again until the weekend when my daughter texed him to see when the paycheck would come since he obviously stopped the automatic deposit. They made arrangements to meet so he could give them the money and they could bring some more of his stuff to him. He made sure to tell them that he didn't abandon them. He then met with them a week later and started to ask them if they would come over to "the house" and he would cook them sunday dinner. The kids were hesitant since we still had no idea what his living arrangements were or even where he was living. Three weeks later I still had not heard from him so I thought it was time for me to send an e mail laying out my side of the story because in hindsight I knew he had to be demonizing me to himself and the OW in order to feel better about himself. He called when he read the email and asked to see the dog and why didn't the kids want to go to his house. I told him we don't know his situation. Thats when he told me he was living with her and he thought he told me that. That is when I told him that was why the kids were putting him off. They don't want to meet this person! Not to mention he never shared that piece of information with me so thanks for once again blindsiding me. Since he was at work and really couldnt speak I was able to get everything off my chest. (I must say I did feel a sense of relief). He said we could meet and discuss everything (I'm almost at 2 months now and still nothing). Next time he met with the kids he confirmed with them what I had said about goin g to his house. Hopefully, he continues to respect thier wishes. I have had no contact with him except for one situation I handled wrong & one where he was waiting for me when I picked up my son so he could visit with the dog. During that "visit" I kept converstaion to a minimum. It was more him telling me about what was going on with him - he had to go away on business for a week, he was feeling like he was getting sick. The first time I saw him - a month after he moved out-the kids were supposed to see him on a saturday and my youngest woke up with the flu. I texed him (it took 3 hours for him to get back to me) to let him know the youngest wouldn't be joining them and it led into him wanting to take him to the doctor, which I didn't want. I finally let him take him but kicked myself that I just didn't handle it myself. I feel I handled the second "run in" better. So that is where I'm at now. I really have no contact with him, which is fine. He texts the kids daily and sees them on the weekend for a little while. In the beginning I was a mess. I probably still am but I'm handling it a little better. I haven't worked in 25 years. I was a stay at home mom. I panicked. I have no college education. I was married at 20 and was a mom at 21. We grew up together, he was two years older than me. I felt like someone who I was supposed to be able to trust after all this time completly blindsided me. Heck we were sleeping in the same bed the day he left. We were still making future plans into december. I had just said to him I was going to look into trying to get a part time job in the new year to help with bills. He just started a new job and commissions would not be kicking in for a while. He said no I didn't have to because the new job would free up his weekends and he could do some home improvement jobs on the side. He has no family except us. His parents are gone, he has no siblings and he really has no relationship with aunts, uncles & cousins. He forever looked down on people who left t heir families for someone else. This made absoultly no sense to me. My kids, family and friends have been my rock. (although sometimes I think some of them would like me to get back to normal) and I am trying. Some days are better than others. I had just gone through a stretch of good days and two days ago I started having bad days again. Anxiety, breaking out in tears, being afraid of the future. I found this forum from my many hours of searching on the internet for some answers to all my questions. I saw that there are great, supportive, understanding people here and right now I really need people who have been through what I've been through. I have friends who are divorced (heck I'm a child of divorce) and they have been great but all of them say the same thing, they were never cheated on and abandoned. So I am hoping that some of you could share some strength and wisdom with me to get me through this uncharted territory in my life. Thanks | |||
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