I had to find out my ex's new address for my lawyer.
I am still on good terms with her side of the family so I asked them. Found out she's living in a small crappy town and that where she told me she would be was either a lie or things have changed since then. That's okay. Her life her will!
We (myself, my family and her family) all know that she has abandonment issues but I am seriously struggling to understand the logic behind all of this, because she was/is a supposedly smart and rational woman. I am having a hard time accepting that I probably won't ever understand and my analytical mind just thinks this is all stupid and ridiculous. I know I really should just let it go, but I am having a hard time. I still love her and care about her. I miss her everyday despite all the crap she put my through. It kills me to witness her self-destruction and while it might be arrogant for me to assume that it is indeed self-destruction, all of us (families) admit to see it too. Her family has given up on her and so has mine. I haven't although I probably should, but I am struggling. I don't ever want to get back with her (based on how she treated me), but I still hope she is okay and successful in whatever she does.
She quit a really good job with many shares in the company, she quit her university classes halfway through them, she walked away from the house (worth over $300K) and as well her $8000 downpayment into it. She walked away from her church and she walked away from people who cared about her. She racked up over $40,000 in debt while we were together, and so wherever she is, she definitely needs a job that can help pay her bills...but I know for a fact in that small town there is nothing except a couple inns or maybe a fast food joint....Maybe she found a sugar daddy? She must have. I don't know.
I know I shouldn't care about her problems anymore. Obviously she's trying to get away from me, but I was never that bad, so why all the 360's? I just feel like she is running from something else too.
Although I recently got her contact info, I haven't messaged her. I haven't emailed or texted or called her in well over a year. 0 communication. Up until recently she was practically dead/non-existent. It's clear she wants nothing to do with me so I'll give her just that. I also don't think there is any point in talking to her. She has a skewed view of me and anything I say will be a waste of time.
I guess it's half rant too. We all deserve to be happy in whatever ways we can be, and I respect that, but at the same token how do you cope knowing someone you love is constantly avoiding responsibility and hurting themselves? Is there anything I can do, even anonymously?
Thanks. Much appreciated.
I am still on good terms with her side of the family so I asked them. Found out she's living in a small crappy town and that where she told me she would be was either a lie or things have changed since then. That's okay. Her life her will!
We (myself, my family and her family) all know that she has abandonment issues but I am seriously struggling to understand the logic behind all of this, because she was/is a supposedly smart and rational woman. I am having a hard time accepting that I probably won't ever understand and my analytical mind just thinks this is all stupid and ridiculous. I know I really should just let it go, but I am having a hard time. I still love her and care about her. I miss her everyday despite all the crap she put my through. It kills me to witness her self-destruction and while it might be arrogant for me to assume that it is indeed self-destruction, all of us (families) admit to see it too. Her family has given up on her and so has mine. I haven't although I probably should, but I am struggling. I don't ever want to get back with her (based on how she treated me), but I still hope she is okay and successful in whatever she does.
She quit a really good job with many shares in the company, she quit her university classes halfway through them, she walked away from the house (worth over $300K) and as well her $8000 downpayment into it. She walked away from her church and she walked away from people who cared about her. She racked up over $40,000 in debt while we were together, and so wherever she is, she definitely needs a job that can help pay her bills...but I know for a fact in that small town there is nothing except a couple inns or maybe a fast food joint....Maybe she found a sugar daddy? She must have. I don't know.
I know I shouldn't care about her problems anymore. Obviously she's trying to get away from me, but I was never that bad, so why all the 360's? I just feel like she is running from something else too.
Although I recently got her contact info, I haven't messaged her. I haven't emailed or texted or called her in well over a year. 0 communication. Up until recently she was practically dead/non-existent. It's clear she wants nothing to do with me so I'll give her just that. I also don't think there is any point in talking to her. She has a skewed view of me and anything I say will be a waste of time.
I guess it's half rant too. We all deserve to be happy in whatever ways we can be, and I respect that, but at the same token how do you cope knowing someone you love is constantly avoiding responsibility and hurting themselves? Is there anything I can do, even anonymously?
Thanks. Much appreciated.
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