I guess this is easiest to explain chronologically, so I'll try to be brief.
I was in 3 fairly serious relationships prior to getting married (all lasted for around 2 or more years). The sex ranged from really good in my first sexually active relationship, to decent, to completely mind blowing in the last before I got married. The last girl I dated was incredibly attractive, a bit younger than me, and from a very different background. Our personalities clashed, but in bed no fantasy was off limits (trying not to be to descriptive but still get the info out, anal was something I always wanted to try before dating her, and she made it part of our regular sex life. We did it in exciting places, any position... Etc etc).
Anyway, after we broke up I started courting my to-be wife. The better part of a year it took me to get her to agree to be my girlfriend. She was a virgin, waiting for marriage, and I was ok with that. We messed around some in our engagement, but no actual sex till marriage. All this time she talked about fantasies and how sexual she wanted to be... Let's just say I had a lot of hype built up.
Fast forward a few years: we have been married for over 2 years and our sex life, what there is of it, is pretty mild.
Well, there always seems to be a reason she's not in the mood. Once we start she gets into it and says we need to do it more often, but that never comes out. And since we don't do it very often, we don't try new things a whole lot either.
Now we've had the fantasy conversations and suggestions on spicing things up... This is how it's gone:
We've tried anal a few times (and I appreciate that she tried), and though she enjoyed it once or twice, we go so long Inbetween having sex that it's like starting all over, and she doesn't enjoy it. So, though it remains something that excites me, I don't bring it up because I know she isn't on the same page and don't want to pressure her into things she doesn't enjoy.
I've talked about how I'd like her to initiate sex more. Being woken up to a bj, or coming home to her in something sexy... Well in 2 years of marriage I can count on 1 hand the number of times either of those have happened.
I've said I'd like to do it in different places, and we've done a few, but not much.
I tell her what I think is sexy for her to wear, even buy her things, but then she never wears it. She will even try it on before we go out, then change because she thinks it's too revealing (I see more revealing clothes on girls in church...).
She and I both agree we'd like more spontaneity, but she has to spend a half hour in the bathroom "freshening up" before we can do anything... So that pretty much kills any hope for that.
I've listened to her too. I've bought briefs instead of boxers. I think they are uncomfortable, but she says they turn her on. Yet it makes little difference.
She says "I'm the man, I need to take charge and come on to her", yet every time I do I get avoided or shot down outright. Which makes me not want to do it.
I've used cologne she likes, let her pick out deodorant I wear, take her on romantic dates to things like opera and plays, music festivals, art galleries (and she will generally get tipsy, start coming on to be strong, then fall asleep on the drive home).
Anyway, I hardly ever push the issue anymore. But it seems memories of past partners jump into my mind more and more often and other girls catch my eye more frequently. I love my wife very much, and would never be untrue. Aside from the sex, our marriage is great. But she gets mad when she sees me look at another girl and I know it would hurt her if she knew I thought about my past... It just seems to be getting more difficult for me and I feel I am getting more cynical about it (specially when comparing the outlook of my sex life now compared to what it was).
Anyone have any suggestions on this? I don't really know where to go from here.
Thanks
-B
I was in 3 fairly serious relationships prior to getting married (all lasted for around 2 or more years). The sex ranged from really good in my first sexually active relationship, to decent, to completely mind blowing in the last before I got married. The last girl I dated was incredibly attractive, a bit younger than me, and from a very different background. Our personalities clashed, but in bed no fantasy was off limits (trying not to be to descriptive but still get the info out, anal was something I always wanted to try before dating her, and she made it part of our regular sex life. We did it in exciting places, any position... Etc etc).
Anyway, after we broke up I started courting my to-be wife. The better part of a year it took me to get her to agree to be my girlfriend. She was a virgin, waiting for marriage, and I was ok with that. We messed around some in our engagement, but no actual sex till marriage. All this time she talked about fantasies and how sexual she wanted to be... Let's just say I had a lot of hype built up.
Fast forward a few years: we have been married for over 2 years and our sex life, what there is of it, is pretty mild.
Well, there always seems to be a reason she's not in the mood. Once we start she gets into it and says we need to do it more often, but that never comes out. And since we don't do it very often, we don't try new things a whole lot either.
Now we've had the fantasy conversations and suggestions on spicing things up... This is how it's gone:
We've tried anal a few times (and I appreciate that she tried), and though she enjoyed it once or twice, we go so long Inbetween having sex that it's like starting all over, and she doesn't enjoy it. So, though it remains something that excites me, I don't bring it up because I know she isn't on the same page and don't want to pressure her into things she doesn't enjoy.
I've talked about how I'd like her to initiate sex more. Being woken up to a bj, or coming home to her in something sexy... Well in 2 years of marriage I can count on 1 hand the number of times either of those have happened.
I've said I'd like to do it in different places, and we've done a few, but not much.
I tell her what I think is sexy for her to wear, even buy her things, but then she never wears it. She will even try it on before we go out, then change because she thinks it's too revealing (I see more revealing clothes on girls in church...).
She and I both agree we'd like more spontaneity, but she has to spend a half hour in the bathroom "freshening up" before we can do anything... So that pretty much kills any hope for that.
I've listened to her too. I've bought briefs instead of boxers. I think they are uncomfortable, but she says they turn her on. Yet it makes little difference.
She says "I'm the man, I need to take charge and come on to her", yet every time I do I get avoided or shot down outright. Which makes me not want to do it.
I've used cologne she likes, let her pick out deodorant I wear, take her on romantic dates to things like opera and plays, music festivals, art galleries (and she will generally get tipsy, start coming on to be strong, then fall asleep on the drive home).
Anyway, I hardly ever push the issue anymore. But it seems memories of past partners jump into my mind more and more often and other girls catch my eye more frequently. I love my wife very much, and would never be untrue. Aside from the sex, our marriage is great. But she gets mad when she sees me look at another girl and I know it would hurt her if she knew I thought about my past... It just seems to be getting more difficult for me and I feel I am getting more cynical about it (specially when comparing the outlook of my sex life now compared to what it was).
Anyone have any suggestions on this? I don't really know where to go from here.
Thanks
-B
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