Five days ago I learned that my second wife, who I divorced in 2012, died in a single vehicle car wreck on the night of September 18. Her funeral will be this coming Saturday the 29th.
The last time I actually spoke to her was once on the phone in early 2014. We exchanged texts and e-mails from time to time to keep in touch, but those were few and far between. The last text communication I had with her was on her birthday this last March.
So when her brother tracked me down and called me last Wednesday, I was of course completely blindsided and gutted. I am still reeling from the news.
My problem is this, I have not spoken to my ex-inlaws since the divorce back in 2012. My conversation with my ex BIL was short and pointed. He acted like he was not comfortable speaking with me at all and wanted to end the call quickly. When I called my ex-mother in law she would not come to the phone and so I talked to her new husband for a few minutes. I had never met him before (my ex-FIL passed away a year ago) and he has been my main point of contact since I got the news. It was he who called me yesterday when and where the funeral will be.
I always got along well with her family, but when we announced to them that we were divorcing her mother blamed me. I don't know why, since it was a mutually agreed-upon and fairly amicable divorce. But since that day she became instantly cold towards me, and her brother has not been much kinder.
I treated my ex-wife well. There was no infidelity between us. We had no children. The marriage died due to reasons other than infidelity or abuse. It was more a matter of mutual neglect and apathy.
My question is, should I attend the funeral? On one hand I think I should go and pay my respects to, and say goodbye to, a woman who I shared my life with for a time and who I never stopped loving completely. I think as the only man she was ever married to, I have that right. On the other hand, I don't feel like being treated like a criminal by her family. What should I do?
The last time I actually spoke to her was once on the phone in early 2014. We exchanged texts and e-mails from time to time to keep in touch, but those were few and far between. The last text communication I had with her was on her birthday this last March.
So when her brother tracked me down and called me last Wednesday, I was of course completely blindsided and gutted. I am still reeling from the news.
My problem is this, I have not spoken to my ex-inlaws since the divorce back in 2012. My conversation with my ex BIL was short and pointed. He acted like he was not comfortable speaking with me at all and wanted to end the call quickly. When I called my ex-mother in law she would not come to the phone and so I talked to her new husband for a few minutes. I had never met him before (my ex-FIL passed away a year ago) and he has been my main point of contact since I got the news. It was he who called me yesterday when and where the funeral will be.
I always got along well with her family, but when we announced to them that we were divorcing her mother blamed me. I don't know why, since it was a mutually agreed-upon and fairly amicable divorce. But since that day she became instantly cold towards me, and her brother has not been much kinder.
I treated my ex-wife well. There was no infidelity between us. We had no children. The marriage died due to reasons other than infidelity or abuse. It was more a matter of mutual neglect and apathy.
My question is, should I attend the funeral? On one hand I think I should go and pay my respects to, and say goodbye to, a woman who I shared my life with for a time and who I never stopped loving completely. I think as the only man she was ever married to, I have that right. On the other hand, I don't feel like being treated like a criminal by her family. What should I do?
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