I've been with my husband for 13 years, married for 7. We have two boys, 11 and 8.
I want out of this awful marriage. Truth be told, we would not have stayed together if I have not gotten pregnant with our first child. We are poor communicators, and without rehashing our issues, suffice to say we do not have a happy marriage. I have so much resentment built up that I write page after page in a journal about how much I loathe my husband, what a loser he his, and how his touch makes my stomach turn. I hated him the day we got married, but I'd become so accustomed to faking it that it wasn't hard to smile my way through the day. I hoped that it was me who was broken, and that if I faked it long enough, I would feel differently. Now I can't fake it any more. We have not had any sexual contact AT ALL for a couple years, but recently we've stopped even hugging or kissing because he's frustrated at my lack of affection for him. He still loves me and wants the marriage to work. I would rather eat crushed glass than touch him. There are not big blowout fights, just strained conversations and sometimes arguments.
Many forums and articles on divorce say that no matter how bad the marriage is, it's STILL selfish to divorce, and still better for the children for parents to stay together, even if one or both of them is miserable. Most of these articles recommend marriage counseling and trying to reconnect to why you married the person in the first place. What if you hated the person's guts on your wedding day? What if you have been flipping them off behind their back for a decade? What feeling am I supposed to get back?
I realize this doesn't paint ME in a very good light. I'm intentionally leaving out any of the sordid details as to why I'm not happy with my husband. I know that all relationships are two-sided, and no matter what stories I can tell about my "loser husband" (and there are lots), I also have a role in why our marriage is broken.
Given those long-standing feelings, is there any reason NOT to consider divorce? A good friend of mine believes that all parents should just "suck it up" and stay married until their children are grown because it always messes the kids up, no matter how much better off you think they'll be. Help!
I want out of this awful marriage. Truth be told, we would not have stayed together if I have not gotten pregnant with our first child. We are poor communicators, and without rehashing our issues, suffice to say we do not have a happy marriage. I have so much resentment built up that I write page after page in a journal about how much I loathe my husband, what a loser he his, and how his touch makes my stomach turn. I hated him the day we got married, but I'd become so accustomed to faking it that it wasn't hard to smile my way through the day. I hoped that it was me who was broken, and that if I faked it long enough, I would feel differently. Now I can't fake it any more. We have not had any sexual contact AT ALL for a couple years, but recently we've stopped even hugging or kissing because he's frustrated at my lack of affection for him. He still loves me and wants the marriage to work. I would rather eat crushed glass than touch him. There are not big blowout fights, just strained conversations and sometimes arguments.
Many forums and articles on divorce say that no matter how bad the marriage is, it's STILL selfish to divorce, and still better for the children for parents to stay together, even if one or both of them is miserable. Most of these articles recommend marriage counseling and trying to reconnect to why you married the person in the first place. What if you hated the person's guts on your wedding day? What if you have been flipping them off behind their back for a decade? What feeling am I supposed to get back?
I realize this doesn't paint ME in a very good light. I'm intentionally leaving out any of the sordid details as to why I'm not happy with my husband. I know that all relationships are two-sided, and no matter what stories I can tell about my "loser husband" (and there are lots), I also have a role in why our marriage is broken.
Given those long-standing feelings, is there any reason NOT to consider divorce? A good friend of mine believes that all parents should just "suck it up" and stay married until their children are grown because it always messes the kids up, no matter how much better off you think they'll be. Help!
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment