Sorry. . . Long post
I was here about 3 years ago and posted this threadhttp://ift.tt/1Pv94EV
Basically it was about how I had found over 700 text messages that my husband had sent to a female coworker of his in 2012. When confronted, of course, it was JUST texting. . . nothing more. I started to dig deeper and was told I was looking for something that wasn't there, so I trusted him and stopped. I will NEVER go against my gut instinct again.
Fast forward to October of 2014. My husband was promoted to Captain where he works (Correctional Facility). Awesome right? Well, that promotion was short lived since he was demoted in Jan. of this year. They actually came in and demoted/fired several of the higher up staff.
When I asked him why, I got some lame excuse which just didn't sit well with me. Then I got the excuse that he had given improper evaluations/bonuses to the above mentioned coworker. . . Oh wait, it wasn't just a coworker. . . he was her BOSS! But, since I knew they were really close (closer than I thought at the time) I thought that reason might have made sense. So, again, I let it go.
He decided to fight his demotion with the State. It was a long drawn out ordeal (about 8 months). I thought, "well, he's fighting it, so it must not be as bad as I thought." I'm a freaking nurse!! How can I be SO stupid??
After tons of paperwork back and forth, he got the notice that his appeal had been dismissed. He got it August 7th. A day that will forever be burned in my memory. I finally saw the paperwork and it said, "Appeal has been dismissed due to Plaintiff admitting to having an inappropriate relationship with a subordinate". I knew what that meant, but I wanted, NEEDED, to hear him say it. So I asked him what it meant and he said "What do you want to hear? That I had an affair?" I said that I wanted to know the truth. And so, after 3 loooong years, I got it. They had an affair. I'm was and am crushed. I got details, not that he was forth coming with them at first, but I got them. They fooled around in her van (sexy huh???) before work, had sex on a park bench once and at her house 3 times. During this time, we had went to Jamaica, Gatlinburg, several concerts and Vegas. I thought things were great. Now I just know that I was stupid.
He has apologized more times in the past 2 weeks than in the entire 22 years we've been married. He doesn't place any blame on me. Says he was a ********* looking for a piece of ass and it wasn't worth it at the time and it definitely isn't worth it now. He says he feels horrible about the way he's crushed me. . . crushed us. He says that after going through how he's felt the past 3 years knowing what he did and lying to me about it, that it will never happen again. Of course, since he isn't blaming me, I asked him why and he says he has no clue. That he has thought about it for the past 3 years and he can't come up with any reason for doing it. He said they were friends and started working closely together at that time and she stroked his ego. He says it's no excuse and can't believe he ever let it go as far as it did. He says he lied to me out of self preservation and because he knew how broken I would be if/when I found out. Of course, I explained to him that if he would h ave JUST CAME CLEAN 3 years ago, we wouldn't be going through this right now. Which he agrees lying to me, while seemed like protecting me, actually made things worse. He says he wasn't looking to replace me, that things just got out of hand. He also mentioned that the sex was horrible. I told him that I didn't believe that. That if you talk a drink of bad milk, you don't go back for a 2nd or 3rd drink. He said that he was caught up in the thrill of it being "forbidden" but that it wasn't a pleasurable experience. I still find that hard to believe. He has been an open book with his email, texting, ect. so I don't think there are others and I think it ended 3 years ago.
And what follows, is why you NEVER sleep with a subordinate-
After it ended (whether she ended it or he did, who knows?? He says it was mutual. They were both married and not leaving their spouses for the other. I have a feeling she was wanting to leave since her husband can't keep a job, but whatever) she reported it as Sexual Harassment to Internal Affairs where they work . Nothing was done at the time (Good Ol' Boys Club and all). Until she reported it again in 2014 right before she quit and moved to Florida. Another Captain there gathered paperwork on all of the wrongdoing everyone was committing and reported it to the State which resulted in 1 Captain being fired, 2 demoted, the Superintendent and Assistant Superintendent being demoted, and several Officers being demoted or fired.
I told him he was VERY lucky they didn't fire him.
He had no idea it was her that turned in paperwork. Something happened and she snapped. Everyone that works with him (I'm friends with several of them) are in shock that 1.He did that (VERY out of character for him. I know that, after everything, I sound like a fool for saying it, but I've known him my entire life. We grew up together. This is VERY out of character for him) and 2. He did it with her. She was not well liked at all. She didn't do her job well and her attitude was horrible.
I have a appointment scheduled tomorrow to be checked for STD's. Not something I want to do on my day off. Right now, I want to forgive him (but I'll never forget. And I'll never second guess my gut feeling). If my tests don't come back negative though, I don't think I can forgive him for exposing me to something.
I was here about 3 years ago and posted this threadhttp://ift.tt/1Pv94EV
Basically it was about how I had found over 700 text messages that my husband had sent to a female coworker of his in 2012. When confronted, of course, it was JUST texting. . . nothing more. I started to dig deeper and was told I was looking for something that wasn't there, so I trusted him and stopped. I will NEVER go against my gut instinct again.
Fast forward to October of 2014. My husband was promoted to Captain where he works (Correctional Facility). Awesome right? Well, that promotion was short lived since he was demoted in Jan. of this year. They actually came in and demoted/fired several of the higher up staff.
When I asked him why, I got some lame excuse which just didn't sit well with me. Then I got the excuse that he had given improper evaluations/bonuses to the above mentioned coworker. . . Oh wait, it wasn't just a coworker. . . he was her BOSS! But, since I knew they were really close (closer than I thought at the time) I thought that reason might have made sense. So, again, I let it go.
He decided to fight his demotion with the State. It was a long drawn out ordeal (about 8 months). I thought, "well, he's fighting it, so it must not be as bad as I thought." I'm a freaking nurse!! How can I be SO stupid??
After tons of paperwork back and forth, he got the notice that his appeal had been dismissed. He got it August 7th. A day that will forever be burned in my memory. I finally saw the paperwork and it said, "Appeal has been dismissed due to Plaintiff admitting to having an inappropriate relationship with a subordinate". I knew what that meant, but I wanted, NEEDED, to hear him say it. So I asked him what it meant and he said "What do you want to hear? That I had an affair?" I said that I wanted to know the truth. And so, after 3 loooong years, I got it. They had an affair. I'm was and am crushed. I got details, not that he was forth coming with them at first, but I got them. They fooled around in her van (sexy huh???) before work, had sex on a park bench once and at her house 3 times. During this time, we had went to Jamaica, Gatlinburg, several concerts and Vegas. I thought things were great. Now I just know that I was stupid.
He has apologized more times in the past 2 weeks than in the entire 22 years we've been married. He doesn't place any blame on me. Says he was a ********* looking for a piece of ass and it wasn't worth it at the time and it definitely isn't worth it now. He says he feels horrible about the way he's crushed me. . . crushed us. He says that after going through how he's felt the past 3 years knowing what he did and lying to me about it, that it will never happen again. Of course, since he isn't blaming me, I asked him why and he says he has no clue. That he has thought about it for the past 3 years and he can't come up with any reason for doing it. He said they were friends and started working closely together at that time and she stroked his ego. He says it's no excuse and can't believe he ever let it go as far as it did. He says he lied to me out of self preservation and because he knew how broken I would be if/when I found out. Of course, I explained to him that if he would h ave JUST CAME CLEAN 3 years ago, we wouldn't be going through this right now. Which he agrees lying to me, while seemed like protecting me, actually made things worse. He says he wasn't looking to replace me, that things just got out of hand. He also mentioned that the sex was horrible. I told him that I didn't believe that. That if you talk a drink of bad milk, you don't go back for a 2nd or 3rd drink. He said that he was caught up in the thrill of it being "forbidden" but that it wasn't a pleasurable experience. I still find that hard to believe. He has been an open book with his email, texting, ect. so I don't think there are others and I think it ended 3 years ago.
And what follows, is why you NEVER sleep with a subordinate-
After it ended (whether she ended it or he did, who knows?? He says it was mutual. They were both married and not leaving their spouses for the other. I have a feeling she was wanting to leave since her husband can't keep a job, but whatever) she reported it as Sexual Harassment to Internal Affairs where they work . Nothing was done at the time (Good Ol' Boys Club and all). Until she reported it again in 2014 right before she quit and moved to Florida. Another Captain there gathered paperwork on all of the wrongdoing everyone was committing and reported it to the State which resulted in 1 Captain being fired, 2 demoted, the Superintendent and Assistant Superintendent being demoted, and several Officers being demoted or fired.
I told him he was VERY lucky they didn't fire him.
He had no idea it was her that turned in paperwork. Something happened and she snapped. Everyone that works with him (I'm friends with several of them) are in shock that 1.He did that (VERY out of character for him. I know that, after everything, I sound like a fool for saying it, but I've known him my entire life. We grew up together. This is VERY out of character for him) and 2. He did it with her. She was not well liked at all. She didn't do her job well and her attitude was horrible.
I have a appointment scheduled tomorrow to be checked for STD's. Not something I want to do on my day off. Right now, I want to forgive him (but I'll never forget. And I'll never second guess my gut feeling). If my tests don't come back negative though, I don't think I can forgive him for exposing me to something.
Put the internet to work for you.
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