My husband left me on Saturday by leaving a note in the truck and calling a family member for them to tell me to go read the letter. In the letter he said he was leaving because he couldn't stand to see me unhappy and didn't want to hurt me anymore.
Our story: We started dating when I was 18 and he was 20 and got married a year and a half later. We moved to Oregon so I could be closer to my family and for help in changing his legal status. The whole process was time consuming, expensive and stressful. But things worked out and that stress was gone. 2-3 years into our marriage we started dealing with premature ejaculation. This continued for 7-8 years. During that time, after we would have sex he would finish quickly and then just pretty much roll over and fall asleep. I never really talked to him about it. I was too busy thinking about my feelings, my hurt, my starvation for intimacy and affection. Every few months I would kind of bring it up and beg and plead for him to show me that he loved me and to work on. He would be loving for a few days and then revert back. I begged and cried to him many times for changes, and he made me feel like I wasn't important enough and he didn't love me enough to try. About a year ago h e started getting help but I still hold resentment. I have been thinking about that whole situation since he left and I have come to see that I shouldn't have been silent. I shouldn't have seen it as just his problem. I should have tried and helped. We have also said things to each other that hurt. I developed anxiety four years ago and for some reason I have the hardest time forgiving and letting go of said words. I pretty much wallowed in said words and made the wound and pain so much worse by not talking about it. He has found me crying during the night and we would talk about how I was so hurt but I still could never let it go. I became jealous and made it to where he was walking on eggshells. I have been working on that and have improved about 85%. I was still working on letting the past hurts go and things were doing okay the past month and a half or so. There was some hard day's but I talked to him about those feelings and would tell him I felt insecure, and that I ne eded extra loving. The week before he left he has caught me crying in the middle night, and I never told him what it was about.
Well Saturday he left and left me the note. Shut off his phone. I re-read his letter over and over again. It's only about not wanting to hurt me and not wanting us to be unhappy. I am embarrassed to say this, but I was molested as a child and had buried it and just avoided thinking about that for so long. It was brought up a few weeks ago by a family member and ity opened those wounds I tried so hard to keep closed. Well those nights he found me crying I think he thought it was because of him.it wasn't, and I should have talked to him about it and told him that I've been dealing with my child hood traumas and that's why I was crying. I never thought he would leave me tho and I wish he would have said it to my face instead of a letter cause then I could have told him it wasn't his doing that I have been crying and then maybe he wouldn't be gone.
I want more than anything for him to come home.But he turned off his phone, took time off of work, he's staying some where, and there is no way for me to let him know about it all. His sister will only tell me that she talked to him and that he's okay. I just want him home. I just want to talk to him. I don't want him to be sad and hurt thinking that he is still hurting me. I know he thinks he is doing me a favor by staying away so I won't hurt anymore but it's so heart breaking and I am so lonely and sad and now he is the reason of my pain and sadness. I just want him home. I love him with all my heart.
Our story: We started dating when I was 18 and he was 20 and got married a year and a half later. We moved to Oregon so I could be closer to my family and for help in changing his legal status. The whole process was time consuming, expensive and stressful. But things worked out and that stress was gone. 2-3 years into our marriage we started dealing with premature ejaculation. This continued for 7-8 years. During that time, after we would have sex he would finish quickly and then just pretty much roll over and fall asleep. I never really talked to him about it. I was too busy thinking about my feelings, my hurt, my starvation for intimacy and affection. Every few months I would kind of bring it up and beg and plead for him to show me that he loved me and to work on. He would be loving for a few days and then revert back. I begged and cried to him many times for changes, and he made me feel like I wasn't important enough and he didn't love me enough to try. About a year ago h e started getting help but I still hold resentment. I have been thinking about that whole situation since he left and I have come to see that I shouldn't have been silent. I shouldn't have seen it as just his problem. I should have tried and helped. We have also said things to each other that hurt. I developed anxiety four years ago and for some reason I have the hardest time forgiving and letting go of said words. I pretty much wallowed in said words and made the wound and pain so much worse by not talking about it. He has found me crying during the night and we would talk about how I was so hurt but I still could never let it go. I became jealous and made it to where he was walking on eggshells. I have been working on that and have improved about 85%. I was still working on letting the past hurts go and things were doing okay the past month and a half or so. There was some hard day's but I talked to him about those feelings and would tell him I felt insecure, and that I ne eded extra loving. The week before he left he has caught me crying in the middle night, and I never told him what it was about.
Well Saturday he left and left me the note. Shut off his phone. I re-read his letter over and over again. It's only about not wanting to hurt me and not wanting us to be unhappy. I am embarrassed to say this, but I was molested as a child and had buried it and just avoided thinking about that for so long. It was brought up a few weeks ago by a family member and ity opened those wounds I tried so hard to keep closed. Well those nights he found me crying I think he thought it was because of him.it wasn't, and I should have talked to him about it and told him that I've been dealing with my child hood traumas and that's why I was crying. I never thought he would leave me tho and I wish he would have said it to my face instead of a letter cause then I could have told him it wasn't his doing that I have been crying and then maybe he wouldn't be gone.
I want more than anything for him to come home.But he turned off his phone, took time off of work, he's staying some where, and there is no way for me to let him know about it all. His sister will only tell me that she talked to him and that he's okay. I just want him home. I just want to talk to him. I don't want him to be sad and hurt thinking that he is still hurting me. I know he thinks he is doing me a favor by staying away so I won't hurt anymore but it's so heart breaking and I am so lonely and sad and now he is the reason of my pain and sadness. I just want him home. I love him with all my heart.
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