Hi. Hoping you can help. We're currently 1 month separated (details in my thread).
Met with Wife today and she stated that she's been unable to get herself moving forward.
Physically, she's making tremendous progress. She managed to cut out the booze, eat better, take care of herself and goes to the gym to work off stress. She's also lost 14lbs.
But emotionally, she's struggling. She's in a terrible situation (dept redundancy looming) at work, and goes home to an empty apartment with little furniture. Few friends and no-one to really talk to. She has a (female) neighbour who's also a co-worker who also is having relationship issues. But she admitted that she has trouble opening up to her, a problem she has in general. She's a private person who, like me, struggles with trusting people and allowing them 'in'. I've invited her to have a visit with the same counselor with a view to receiving her own therapy. She (the therapist) is really good and will, i hope, be able to help my Wife.
But my hope is that she can find help and advice in other avenues.
I've been getting tremendous help from the therapist and books like NMMNG, MMSLP, and His Needs, Her Needs as well as the advice from TAM.
From my post earlier today:
She misses me, but we both agree that our split is necessary, to give us the time and space to heal. As i said above, I have had to learn that I can't be 'Mr Fixit', she has to want to help herself, and learn how to. I know, in my heart, that she has the capability to be a strong, confident woman, proud of herself and able to face her own demons.
And it breaks my heart that I can't do it for her.
What i can do is try and help her find avenues of help to explore. To help her make her own way.
I'm going to suggest that she join TAM, because from what i have seen, the Ladies i have encountered here are also strong, nurturing women who have been on their own journeys and made it through. Because of that, I know that if she joined, she would know that she's not alone. That she can find 'sisters' (it's a terrible choice of word, but i hope you know what i mean) to help and guide her on her journey.
But, i'm also looking for advice on books that may be able to help her. That she can read and perhaps recognise herself in.
NMMNG and MMSLP, for instance, helped me. What may be an equivalent version for ladies needing to find the courage and guidance they need to be able to grow?
It won't be for me to tell her to read this book or that book, it's her journey, but if I could suggest TAM and some book titles for her and leave it for her to decide, it may help.
Please help. I so desperately want her to be happy.
Met with Wife today and she stated that she's been unable to get herself moving forward.
Physically, she's making tremendous progress. She managed to cut out the booze, eat better, take care of herself and goes to the gym to work off stress. She's also lost 14lbs.
But emotionally, she's struggling. She's in a terrible situation (dept redundancy looming) at work, and goes home to an empty apartment with little furniture. Few friends and no-one to really talk to. She has a (female) neighbour who's also a co-worker who also is having relationship issues. But she admitted that she has trouble opening up to her, a problem she has in general. She's a private person who, like me, struggles with trusting people and allowing them 'in'. I've invited her to have a visit with the same counselor with a view to receiving her own therapy. She (the therapist) is really good and will, i hope, be able to help my Wife.
But my hope is that she can find help and advice in other avenues.
I've been getting tremendous help from the therapist and books like NMMNG, MMSLP, and His Needs, Her Needs as well as the advice from TAM.
From my post earlier today:
Quote:
| She noticed all my notes taped up around the kitchen, the pile of notepads and books, printouts in the living room. Notes on what had been said the previous day, with my thoughts, my observations. 5 pages of it. She said that when she got home yesterday, she just wanted to curl up into a ball. She was jealous of all the work i have put into changing myself, the progress i've made. That she didn't know if she could be that strong, to be able to move forward. We sat in the living room. She cried, i cried. I told her i was crying because it hurt me that i couldn't help her, i couldn't fix her, i couldn't save her. But that i accepted that she had to be the one to help herself, to heal herself. That i knew she has the power to do it, but she has to find it herself. |
And it breaks my heart that I can't do it for her.
What i can do is try and help her find avenues of help to explore. To help her make her own way.
I'm going to suggest that she join TAM, because from what i have seen, the Ladies i have encountered here are also strong, nurturing women who have been on their own journeys and made it through. Because of that, I know that if she joined, she would know that she's not alone. That she can find 'sisters' (it's a terrible choice of word, but i hope you know what i mean) to help and guide her on her journey.
But, i'm also looking for advice on books that may be able to help her. That she can read and perhaps recognise herself in.
NMMNG and MMSLP, for instance, helped me. What may be an equivalent version for ladies needing to find the courage and guidance they need to be able to grow?
It won't be for me to tell her to read this book or that book, it's her journey, but if I could suggest TAM and some book titles for her and leave it for her to decide, it may help.
Please help. I so desperately want her to be happy.
Put the internet to work for you.
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