Hey everyone. I've been going through a tough time lately and could really use some insight here. I will try to be as brief as possible. I've had a couple threads elsewhere but I really want to start a new one, as this inquiry is different.
Here is a quick recap. I dated a woman for 3 years and she made me an ultimatum to either marry her or never see her again. I was in love, I proposed and she accepted. All of my friends and family knew she had trust issues from the start by the way she interacted with them. Very basic things that were obvious to anyone. General disrespect and evasiveness in a nutshell. They warned me but I didn't listen. You could tell she didn't grow up in a normal loving family. We had some good times, but right after the ultimatum it really went downhill.
The relationship got stale fast due to several reasons. The first is we spent less and less time together. This was due to my job and shift work, and I also got addicted to this silly card game. The second is we started to get frustrated communicating with each other. She refused to tell me anything about her mother and her moms side of the family. Whenever I would ask her about it she felt pressured and got angry. We would get in these petty little fights again and again. Eventually I started being insensitive because she came off as nagging. It really ticked me off that she wouldn't tell me anything about her past so that I could understand where she was coming from. We had a ton of problems getting intimate and I never knew why. She always blamed me.
Came home one day and she moved out without any sort of notice. She wrote me a letter weeks later stating she had cheated on me and found someone who "accepted her". When that happened, I was devastated and infuriated. I was extremely emotional. I did not know where she was even staying, so I went in her old room and went through all of her things to find some sort of clue. I found out where she was staying, but I also found out her mothers name and decided to go and meet her secretly (yes, she wouldn't even tell me her name). Her mother was not the brightest tool in the shed, but she was very sad and missed her daughter. She told me the whole story and I finally understood. I don't really want to say it online just for her own protection, but basically it was a horrible abuse/drug/rape/abortion story. Although it's all over now, I really believe if she told me her past I would have never been so insensitive. I did tell my ex-wife the truth that I met her mother and I do not regret it at all. I honestly feel like I should have done that from the start. I wouldn't be here right now.
My questions are these. Is there ever a valid reason for a wife to hide something from her husband? Was that a valid reason? And if the husband wants to know something and the wife refuses to tell him, does he have a right to find out? Was I that wrong to find out for myself? I'd like to avoid the mistake for the next relationship.
Here is a quick recap. I dated a woman for 3 years and she made me an ultimatum to either marry her or never see her again. I was in love, I proposed and she accepted. All of my friends and family knew she had trust issues from the start by the way she interacted with them. Very basic things that were obvious to anyone. General disrespect and evasiveness in a nutshell. They warned me but I didn't listen. You could tell she didn't grow up in a normal loving family. We had some good times, but right after the ultimatum it really went downhill.
The relationship got stale fast due to several reasons. The first is we spent less and less time together. This was due to my job and shift work, and I also got addicted to this silly card game. The second is we started to get frustrated communicating with each other. She refused to tell me anything about her mother and her moms side of the family. Whenever I would ask her about it she felt pressured and got angry. We would get in these petty little fights again and again. Eventually I started being insensitive because she came off as nagging. It really ticked me off that she wouldn't tell me anything about her past so that I could understand where she was coming from. We had a ton of problems getting intimate and I never knew why. She always blamed me.
Came home one day and she moved out without any sort of notice. She wrote me a letter weeks later stating she had cheated on me and found someone who "accepted her". When that happened, I was devastated and infuriated. I was extremely emotional. I did not know where she was even staying, so I went in her old room and went through all of her things to find some sort of clue. I found out where she was staying, but I also found out her mothers name and decided to go and meet her secretly (yes, she wouldn't even tell me her name). Her mother was not the brightest tool in the shed, but she was very sad and missed her daughter. She told me the whole story and I finally understood. I don't really want to say it online just for her own protection, but basically it was a horrible abuse/drug/rape/abortion story. Although it's all over now, I really believe if she told me her past I would have never been so insensitive. I did tell my ex-wife the truth that I met her mother and I do not regret it at all. I honestly feel like I should have done that from the start. I wouldn't be here right now.
My questions are these. Is there ever a valid reason for a wife to hide something from her husband? Was that a valid reason? And if the husband wants to know something and the wife refuses to tell him, does he have a right to find out? Was I that wrong to find out for myself? I'd like to avoid the mistake for the next relationship.
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