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birth control and sexless

yep, a bit of an oxymoronic thread, eh? And yet here it is lol. Would you choose to be on the Pill if you were in a sexless marriage? I would most likely still be on birth control pills today if it weren't for running out of refills. They ran out after the first few months of my marriage issues and the start of no sex, so I just never bothered to make the appointment to get a new prescription for more refills. I was like, whats the point? That was nearly 2 years ago. No sex since. In that first year when i thought things would just magically go back to normal on their own i did buy back up birth control in the form of condoms and spermicide. I still have them... never got used :(

I have thought of it as a nice "break" for my body to be off of them. Though birth control never really messed with my moods, but i didn't have sex for 2 years so i guess i wasn't giving my body any synthetic hormones that it didn't need.

So i don't know... i had no idea that 2 years later we'd still be sexless. If i had to guess, i probably won't be having sex anytime soon. But sometimes i wonder should i get back on the pill? To be prepared? Or should i wait until our marriage becomes more stable (and therefore the possibility of sex)? Or, if our marriage ends up not working out and i end up single?

I guess I'm not sure. Even though i so desperately want to be a mother, at this point in our marriage and the damage done I would not feel comfortable having sex with him with condoms/spermicide alone. Once upon a time maybe, but not at this point in the game. I could not risk a pregnancy with him until i know that things would be more stable between us. Though i keep thinking... if i had thought to "prepare" this way a year ago I'd have been on the pill for the past year for no reason... and that could be the case even now. I don't really want to waste money.

And not to mention... I'm not even sure if they still make my brand anymore! I remember near the end i had to switch pharmacies because they no longer carried my brand and it was kind of difficult to find it... it may not even exist. And I'm not sure i want to be experimenting with new brands and their side effects if I'm not even having sex.

k, I'm rambling. Any thoughts? Stay pill free, or get back on it (for some reason...). Not sure why i suddenly feel the pull to get back on the pill after all this time.

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