I am currently dating a woman with two children, neither one of them are biologically mine. We all live together, and have been for about two years. Given the fact that we live together, and there are kids involved, I feel the magnitude of a breakup would be tantamount to a divorce. I am hoping someone can provide some insight or advice.
The relationship, to put it simply, makes me unhappy right now - and I am sure it makes her unhappy as well, though she denies that. I feel that we are trapped together and try to pretend we love one another as she has nowhere to go, and I don't have the heart/motivation to kick the three of them out on the street. She says she loves me and wants to be with me, but love by itself (if true) doesn't mean much in my book. She might just think she loves me because she doesn't have anything left to cling to.
It has been very rocky, and I am pretty sure she is depressed. The first couple weeks were actually pretty good when we moved in together, but then incidents kept happening and it just dragged her into a hole or something. She was in a nasty car accident, but no serious injuries to her. Her mother, father, and grandmother all died of cancer. Her best friend fled an abusive relationship and she hasn't heard from her since. Her little brother, who she helped raise, has gotten himself into quite a pickle after returning from the Middle East with PTSD. Again, this has all happened in less than two years.
I am trying to be supportive, but I don't know where the line between support and enabling is. I freely admit that I can be an overbearing pain in the ass, and like things done my way, but I feel I am entitled to that in my own house. She has spurts where she tries to get it together and be on top of things, but it always falls through eventually. She doesn't work or do enough housework to justify a lack of income, in my opinion. I feel bad for her, but I don't quite understand why I have to have my life so negatively impacted by it all. I am tired of her not holding up her end of the relationship. We seem to constantly fight, and she lashes out and is incredibly defensive. I don't know what is relevant info and what is petty complaining, so I'll just stop here. It is almost like she is trying to find who she is as a person after all the trauma, but I feel that is a luxury that can't be afforded when there is a relationship/kids.
For further background, I was an admittedly terrible boyfriend for a while before we lived together. I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abusive. My best friend died and I took it all out on her. There are other things, but you get the gist. I turned my behavior around for the most part, but psychologically it has to play in her mind somehow.
I am intentionally painting myself negatively, and glossing over some of her negatives, because I am trying to get perspective on what to do. If I hide from where I have fallen short, then it is impossible to get a fair assessment on the relationship. I do care for her, and I would like to stay with her - but if this is just going to continue then I'd rather cut my losses now. Sorry if this post rambles too much, feel free to ask questions.
The relationship, to put it simply, makes me unhappy right now - and I am sure it makes her unhappy as well, though she denies that. I feel that we are trapped together and try to pretend we love one another as she has nowhere to go, and I don't have the heart/motivation to kick the three of them out on the street. She says she loves me and wants to be with me, but love by itself (if true) doesn't mean much in my book. She might just think she loves me because she doesn't have anything left to cling to.
It has been very rocky, and I am pretty sure she is depressed. The first couple weeks were actually pretty good when we moved in together, but then incidents kept happening and it just dragged her into a hole or something. She was in a nasty car accident, but no serious injuries to her. Her mother, father, and grandmother all died of cancer. Her best friend fled an abusive relationship and she hasn't heard from her since. Her little brother, who she helped raise, has gotten himself into quite a pickle after returning from the Middle East with PTSD. Again, this has all happened in less than two years.
I am trying to be supportive, but I don't know where the line between support and enabling is. I freely admit that I can be an overbearing pain in the ass, and like things done my way, but I feel I am entitled to that in my own house. She has spurts where she tries to get it together and be on top of things, but it always falls through eventually. She doesn't work or do enough housework to justify a lack of income, in my opinion. I feel bad for her, but I don't quite understand why I have to have my life so negatively impacted by it all. I am tired of her not holding up her end of the relationship. We seem to constantly fight, and she lashes out and is incredibly defensive. I don't know what is relevant info and what is petty complaining, so I'll just stop here. It is almost like she is trying to find who she is as a person after all the trauma, but I feel that is a luxury that can't be afforded when there is a relationship/kids.
For further background, I was an admittedly terrible boyfriend for a while before we lived together. I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abusive. My best friend died and I took it all out on her. There are other things, but you get the gist. I turned my behavior around for the most part, but psychologically it has to play in her mind somehow.
I am intentionally painting myself negatively, and glossing over some of her negatives, because I am trying to get perspective on what to do. If I hide from where I have fallen short, then it is impossible to get a fair assessment on the relationship. I do care for her, and I would like to stay with her - but if this is just going to continue then I'd rather cut my losses now. Sorry if this post rambles too much, feel free to ask questions.
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