One of the biggest mistakes I made was thinking that the games stopped once you got married. I thought you were supposed to settle down, put your wife and kids first, and always be there.
Apparently, all that did for me was make my wife take me for granted. She got bored, had an MLC, and I just couldnt compete with her younger, more exciting friends.
As she took me more for granted, her social calendar was skyrocketing. She would get so excited at how full her calendar was and pretty soon, the kids and I had to be penciled in around her social activities.
Needless to say, she ended up having an affair. We are trying to reconcile and we're doing a pretty good job so far. She has completely stopped being the way she was and is back being the woman I married. She is extremely remorseful and has made me her #1 priority and has shown me every day since dday.
Problem is, emotionally, I'm keeping her at arms length. I'm afraid to show her my complete love for her. I want her to fear losing me for the rest of her life. I dont ever want her to take me for granted or feel safe with me. You see, my theory is that she never had to worry about me. She never had to be concerned with where I was or who I was with. She never feared losing me. Instead of being comforted with that safety, she took me for granted and thought that because she never feared losing me, maybe she didnt love me anymore. It didnt help that she shut me out of her heart when she had the affair and she projected all her issues and guilt on to me.
So now here we are. Everyday she fears losing me and everyday shes working her ass off show me how much she loves me. Do some women just need the constant challenge or do they think that fear of loss is what love is? I want to love this woman like I did before but my mind will not let me jump right in to her arms. I am constantly wanting to keep her at arms length. I just think my wife is one of those women who needs/wants to chase her man. If she doesnt feel the fear/jealousy, she confuses it with not loving him.
Apparently, all that did for me was make my wife take me for granted. She got bored, had an MLC, and I just couldnt compete with her younger, more exciting friends.
As she took me more for granted, her social calendar was skyrocketing. She would get so excited at how full her calendar was and pretty soon, the kids and I had to be penciled in around her social activities.
Needless to say, she ended up having an affair. We are trying to reconcile and we're doing a pretty good job so far. She has completely stopped being the way she was and is back being the woman I married. She is extremely remorseful and has made me her #1 priority and has shown me every day since dday.
Problem is, emotionally, I'm keeping her at arms length. I'm afraid to show her my complete love for her. I want her to fear losing me for the rest of her life. I dont ever want her to take me for granted or feel safe with me. You see, my theory is that she never had to worry about me. She never had to be concerned with where I was or who I was with. She never feared losing me. Instead of being comforted with that safety, she took me for granted and thought that because she never feared losing me, maybe she didnt love me anymore. It didnt help that she shut me out of her heart when she had the affair and she projected all her issues and guilt on to me.
So now here we are. Everyday she fears losing me and everyday shes working her ass off show me how much she loves me. Do some women just need the constant challenge or do they think that fear of loss is what love is? I want to love this woman like I did before but my mind will not let me jump right in to her arms. I am constantly wanting to keep her at arms length. I just think my wife is one of those women who needs/wants to chase her man. If she doesnt feel the fear/jealousy, she confuses it with not loving him.
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