I finally convinced myself to stop reading the avalanche of threads that this section of TAM always seems to attract long enough to give the community an update.
I'm not sure why this update felt harder to do than the one from last year, but I did give it some major thought. If I had to draw a conclusion, I would say that there is no adequate way to fully encompass with words the incredible, transformative, and immensely satisfying changes that have occurred in our marriage as a result of our willful and committed work on our relationship.
We have both grown as individuals, actively supporting each other through the process. Our communication skills continue to improve as we learn to frame and re-frame various ideas without making each other feel defensive or hurt. At times the communication is so good that we both think there is nothing left to improve, and then, seemingly out of nowhere, we will find yet another construct/script running through one mind or the other that can be dismantled, examined, and re-framed to more closely suit our needs at that time.
One of the most difficult things we often discuss is making sure we dont sit on our laurels expecting a medal or award for getting through a self inflicted injury and becoming complacent. Making sure old habits and patterns do not re-emerge, and holding each other to a high standard as well as accountable when we mess up or come up short of the mark.
There have been no breaches of any of our boundaries and no attempts by the POSOM to fish. The concepts that must be accepted early on in the process as "necessary components to reconciliation" such as NC and full transparency have simply become the normal operating procedures for our lives together. They do not feel foreign in any way, and seem as if they have always been there.
Paladin's Pride has been making major strides in her efforts to improve her mental health. With every passing month I see her actively pursuing tangible improvements. This time last year, her bad days would be 2-4 per week. Now it is 1-2 per month, and the severity and length of those episodes (mostly major depression and anxiety breakthroughs, typically co-occur with stress) is greatly reduced. If she wakes up on a low day, usually by the afternoon she is much better.
Physical intimacy has been great. Quite a few all nighters echoing the hysterical bonding nights we used to have early in the R. I dont have any intrusive thoughts, and honestly cant remember the last time I triggered. Some of you know that she posts on this forum, although very infrequently, but the language she uses in her posts when she reflects on the A is the same as she uses with me on almost a daily basis. Even though I have not needed to hear her say that she knows there is no timeline on this, and that she will always be committed to R, in well over a year, she still makes it a point to say it to me whenever anything even remotely relevant comes up in conversation. She struggles forgiving herself at times, but has made improvements in that area as well, knowing that being able to forgive herself at some point in time and move on to live a happy life with me is a requirement of R seems to motivate her to do that.
The saying "If you love what you do, you never work a day in your life." Is a perfect fit for R. The end results are so incredibly fulfilling that the work that goes into making it happen, never feels like a chore.
Thank you all for the kind words of support, they always mean a great deal to both of us. As things stand now, the updates for three years and onward will not be posted here, but instead will hopefully be posted in one of the other sections like 'Long Term Success' or 'Mental Health and M'
Feel free to ask any questions, I will try to answer everyone that asks.
-Paladin
I'm not sure why this update felt harder to do than the one from last year, but I did give it some major thought. If I had to draw a conclusion, I would say that there is no adequate way to fully encompass with words the incredible, transformative, and immensely satisfying changes that have occurred in our marriage as a result of our willful and committed work on our relationship.
We have both grown as individuals, actively supporting each other through the process. Our communication skills continue to improve as we learn to frame and re-frame various ideas without making each other feel defensive or hurt. At times the communication is so good that we both think there is nothing left to improve, and then, seemingly out of nowhere, we will find yet another construct/script running through one mind or the other that can be dismantled, examined, and re-framed to more closely suit our needs at that time.
One of the most difficult things we often discuss is making sure we dont sit on our laurels expecting a medal or award for getting through a self inflicted injury and becoming complacent. Making sure old habits and patterns do not re-emerge, and holding each other to a high standard as well as accountable when we mess up or come up short of the mark.
There have been no breaches of any of our boundaries and no attempts by the POSOM to fish. The concepts that must be accepted early on in the process as "necessary components to reconciliation" such as NC and full transparency have simply become the normal operating procedures for our lives together. They do not feel foreign in any way, and seem as if they have always been there.
Paladin's Pride has been making major strides in her efforts to improve her mental health. With every passing month I see her actively pursuing tangible improvements. This time last year, her bad days would be 2-4 per week. Now it is 1-2 per month, and the severity and length of those episodes (mostly major depression and anxiety breakthroughs, typically co-occur with stress) is greatly reduced. If she wakes up on a low day, usually by the afternoon she is much better.
Physical intimacy has been great. Quite a few all nighters echoing the hysterical bonding nights we used to have early in the R. I dont have any intrusive thoughts, and honestly cant remember the last time I triggered. Some of you know that she posts on this forum, although very infrequently, but the language she uses in her posts when she reflects on the A is the same as she uses with me on almost a daily basis. Even though I have not needed to hear her say that she knows there is no timeline on this, and that she will always be committed to R, in well over a year, she still makes it a point to say it to me whenever anything even remotely relevant comes up in conversation. She struggles forgiving herself at times, but has made improvements in that area as well, knowing that being able to forgive herself at some point in time and move on to live a happy life with me is a requirement of R seems to motivate her to do that.
The saying "If you love what you do, you never work a day in your life." Is a perfect fit for R. The end results are so incredibly fulfilling that the work that goes into making it happen, never feels like a chore.
Thank you all for the kind words of support, they always mean a great deal to both of us. As things stand now, the updates for three years and onward will not be posted here, but instead will hopefully be posted in one of the other sections like 'Long Term Success' or 'Mental Health and M'
Feel free to ask any questions, I will try to answer everyone that asks.
-Paladin
Put the internet to work for you.
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