hello all, I am new here. The problems between my husband and I have gone from some rough patches to full blown communication disfunction. We have been married for several years and the problems just started cropping up a couple years ago. Neither me nor my husband have ever done any kind of counseling in our lives before, which is probably why we waited so long before pursuing it. He has agreed to it and I have found what seems to be a promising marriage counselor, and we start next week.
So I had a few questions as I am nervous and wary... overall, communication and expectations are our main issues. My husband can be very controlling and condescending and borderline emotionally abusive to me. I have a temper as well. We are teetering near that line of divorce. We both recognize that we have problems.I am apprehensive about sharing my life story with a complete stranger (the counselor) but realize that it is our last hope.
Problem is... I am worried to discuss some things with the counselor. At times our arguments have gotten physical; pushing and shoving is the name of the game. On both parts, really. It usually happens like this: husband is very close to me while he is yelling and I tell him to stop saying nasty irrelevant things and he doesn't, so I push him in anger. He will often grab my arms when this happens, and sometimes push me to the ground as well. I often times feel because he is bigger and "the man" in the relationship that he is worse for doing this, but I suppose that doesn't matter, it's not ok for me to push either. I also slapped him once when he sad something particularly vile to me.
It did not happen every argument before, but every couple months I would say, and lately it has not happened in several months. I myself made it a point to stop doing this. A part of me thinks, well abuse is when someone "beats" the other person up, and that's not happening here. It almost reminds me of siblings fighting... but I know that it's not ok. I feel like perhaps this might naturally come up in counseling, but am afraid that the counselor will then have to report abuse regardless of the physical nature. I do not want that to happen. But the only other alternative is lying if that question is asked... but that's not good, is it? I'm not sure. I am extremely nervous about this... I hear about anything physical has to be reported to police, and others I hear it does not unless you want to press charges. This particular counselor has listed on her site something like "my disclosure agreement is everything is private unless you are deemed a danger to yourself or others." I'm really not sure what that means. Also, we have no children.
What will happen if we tell the counselor about the occasional pushing and shoving, will that be reported? I feel like it should be discussed because it's obviously not healthy and we need to learn to control our anger and not get physical and it should be addressed, but I don't want to jeapordize ourselves legally. Especially when it is not our main problem. I am soooooo nervous about starting marriage counseling next week... please, anyone with any info? I feel a little lost and afraid of starting marriage counseling.
So I had a few questions as I am nervous and wary... overall, communication and expectations are our main issues. My husband can be very controlling and condescending and borderline emotionally abusive to me. I have a temper as well. We are teetering near that line of divorce. We both recognize that we have problems.I am apprehensive about sharing my life story with a complete stranger (the counselor) but realize that it is our last hope.
Problem is... I am worried to discuss some things with the counselor. At times our arguments have gotten physical; pushing and shoving is the name of the game. On both parts, really. It usually happens like this: husband is very close to me while he is yelling and I tell him to stop saying nasty irrelevant things and he doesn't, so I push him in anger. He will often grab my arms when this happens, and sometimes push me to the ground as well. I often times feel because he is bigger and "the man" in the relationship that he is worse for doing this, but I suppose that doesn't matter, it's not ok for me to push either. I also slapped him once when he sad something particularly vile to me.
It did not happen every argument before, but every couple months I would say, and lately it has not happened in several months. I myself made it a point to stop doing this. A part of me thinks, well abuse is when someone "beats" the other person up, and that's not happening here. It almost reminds me of siblings fighting... but I know that it's not ok. I feel like perhaps this might naturally come up in counseling, but am afraid that the counselor will then have to report abuse regardless of the physical nature. I do not want that to happen. But the only other alternative is lying if that question is asked... but that's not good, is it? I'm not sure. I am extremely nervous about this... I hear about anything physical has to be reported to police, and others I hear it does not unless you want to press charges. This particular counselor has listed on her site something like "my disclosure agreement is everything is private unless you are deemed a danger to yourself or others." I'm really not sure what that means. Also, we have no children.
What will happen if we tell the counselor about the occasional pushing and shoving, will that be reported? I feel like it should be discussed because it's obviously not healthy and we need to learn to control our anger and not get physical and it should be addressed, but I don't want to jeapordize ourselves legally. Especially when it is not our main problem. I am soooooo nervous about starting marriage counseling next week... please, anyone with any info? I feel a little lost and afraid of starting marriage counseling.
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