What I would give to my partner (and hope I do)
1) Love, despite being imperfect
2) Kindness/Caring
3) Respect
4) Compassion
5) Empathy
6) Trust (until proven otherwise)
7) Commitment (as part of trust really, i.e. don't cheat on them, if I fall out of love and crush on someone else at least break up with them first)
7) Tolerance/Compromise
8) Time, attention, energy and work
9) I am responsible for my actions/emotions and their consequences, not them
I am accountable to them if my actions/emotions hurt them (within reason)
10) Space
They are always free to leave
I never own them, they are always an individual not just a couple
I don't control their behaviour, or their emotions
They speak to whoever they want, go wherever they want, they don't report to me, they're their own boss
(Obviously if they go sleep with another person then this is abusing their space and breaking my trust, which they are free to do technically, but will obviously hurt me and make me rethink things)
11) Equality
They are my equal
Their needs/feelings/problems/worries, their life in general, is equally as important as mine are
What I'd expect back:
1) The same in return for me
plus some other things which I've implicitly included by 'unconditional love'
2) She accepts I am human, have feelings etc. too, and supports me with them when necessary
She does not buy into the Alpha Male BS, e.g. as LovePanky puts it
#11 Nice guys get stressed by difficult situations. A girl would want to date a guy who's her rock and her strength, not a scared pussy who'll run at the first sign of danger. Nice guys aren't protective or aggressive enough. He can't fight for his girl, and that's one of the basic evolutionary needs of a girl, to feel protected around her man. [Read: Why do nice guys always have hover hands?]
This doesn't mean that she's my caretaker or mother (again I'm ultimately responsible, I fight my own battles and do my own homework) but it does mean she accepts and respects I'm human and not above being 'stressed in a difficult situation'. She will not start thinking I'm weak, needy, over-sensitive 'pussy' etc, because I ask for her support on these matters
(although I think it's inevitable that this happens because **** biology)
3) Although she is never responsible for my behaviour/emotions (I am)
She will respect my MH difficulties/Dyspraxia and support me with it
(as a friend/loving partner, not as a therapist, it's unfair to burden her in that way, but I'd expect emotional support when needed)
4) I'm allowed to say if/when I feel their behaviour has affected me or they are not meeting my needs, esp. if the behaviour/action was directed at me (for example,
They should listen and respect my point of view
Of course they don't have to agree with it and they are free to tell me if I'm being unreasonable in my demands, as I am to them
This is something like the characteristics that I'd hope for in a faithful partner. Am I living in a squeaky-clean bubble of sunshine and rainbows by asking for this?
1) Love, despite being imperfect
2) Kindness/Caring
3) Respect
4) Compassion
5) Empathy
6) Trust (until proven otherwise)
7) Commitment (as part of trust really, i.e. don't cheat on them, if I fall out of love and crush on someone else at least break up with them first)
7) Tolerance/Compromise
8) Time, attention, energy and work
9) I am responsible for my actions/emotions and their consequences, not them
I am accountable to them if my actions/emotions hurt them (within reason)
10) Space
They are always free to leave
I never own them, they are always an individual not just a couple
I don't control their behaviour, or their emotions
They speak to whoever they want, go wherever they want, they don't report to me, they're their own boss
(Obviously if they go sleep with another person then this is abusing their space and breaking my trust, which they are free to do technically, but will obviously hurt me and make me rethink things)
11) Equality
They are my equal
Their needs/feelings/problems/worries, their life in general, is equally as important as mine are
What I'd expect back:
1) The same in return for me
plus some other things which I've implicitly included by 'unconditional love'
2) She accepts I am human, have feelings etc. too, and supports me with them when necessary
She does not buy into the Alpha Male BS, e.g. as LovePanky puts it
#11 Nice guys get stressed by difficult situations. A girl would want to date a guy who's her rock and her strength, not a scared pussy who'll run at the first sign of danger. Nice guys aren't protective or aggressive enough. He can't fight for his girl, and that's one of the basic evolutionary needs of a girl, to feel protected around her man. [Read: Why do nice guys always have hover hands?]
This doesn't mean that she's my caretaker or mother (again I'm ultimately responsible, I fight my own battles and do my own homework) but it does mean she accepts and respects I'm human and not above being 'stressed in a difficult situation'. She will not start thinking I'm weak, needy, over-sensitive 'pussy' etc, because I ask for her support on these matters
(although I think it's inevitable that this happens because **** biology)
3) Although she is never responsible for my behaviour/emotions (I am)
She will respect my MH difficulties/Dyspraxia and support me with it
(as a friend/loving partner, not as a therapist, it's unfair to burden her in that way, but I'd expect emotional support when needed)
4) I'm allowed to say if/when I feel their behaviour has affected me or they are not meeting my needs, esp. if the behaviour/action was directed at me (for example,
They should listen and respect my point of view
Of course they don't have to agree with it and they are free to tell me if I'm being unreasonable in my demands, as I am to them
This is something like the characteristics that I'd hope for in a faithful partner. Am I living in a squeaky-clean bubble of sunshine and rainbows by asking for this?
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