Edited as it was such a long post.
Summary version:
My fiance had a complete breakdown / onset of severe depression, anxiety following massive stress and exhaustion. There was no real warning, it came on very suddenly and he did not discuss his feelings with me to "protect me". He broke off our engagement and would not discuss it or even manage it in a compassionate way. To say this behaviour was unexpected and out of character would be the understatement of the year.
We were really in love, the type of couple you think of as rock solid and we were both incredibly excited about being married. We rarely argued (twice a year?), and if we did it was over something small and both of us ended up apologising no matter who was wrong. It was a great relationship. True love if there is such a thing.
He now regrets it, and says he was acting irrationally because he was ill. His explanation is that his depression made him feel devoid of emotion but that he now realises he loves me very much and does not want to lose me.
He says he wants to be alone right now and does not want me to look after him, but he wants me to please have faith that his behaviour was not him as himself, and please would I trust him and help him through this because he sees he has a problem. I agreed at the time, which was two weeks ago, but told him he had to get treatment.
He kept his commitment and he saw the doc and was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety brought on by stress. He started anti depressants about 10 days ago (which have made him feel worse thus far) and has begun therapy also this week.
I love this man more than I can ever explain, but he has also put me through an enormous amount of pain. He cut me off without argument or discussion, left me, broke off our engagement and essentially ripped my life apart with his actions. I was humiliated, betrayed and hurt beyond measure.
I want to be supportive, and I believe he is genuinely ill, but right now he is not fit to offer me any reassurance at all. He admits he still feels numb and often devoid of normal feeling and it's a very insecure and lonely place for ME to be and there is the obvious concern of a repeat performance. It is worth saying that previous to this, he was an incredibly kind, loving an wonderful partner who I thought the world of. Nothing in this behaviour is anything like his usual personality. He is usually very strong, calm, reliable, dependable. He is actually know for being like that!
I keep harping back to how horrible he was to me and was wondering if anyone with experience of severe depression / breakdowns of this type can actually tell me..
Can it REALLY make you feel like you don't love your partner who you previously adored?
Can it make you act cold and uncaring to those closest to you?
I love him very much and want to make it work but feel so wounded and insecure that this is all very hard! Right now he is still very, very unwell.
Summary version:
My fiance had a complete breakdown / onset of severe depression, anxiety following massive stress and exhaustion. There was no real warning, it came on very suddenly and he did not discuss his feelings with me to "protect me". He broke off our engagement and would not discuss it or even manage it in a compassionate way. To say this behaviour was unexpected and out of character would be the understatement of the year.
We were really in love, the type of couple you think of as rock solid and we were both incredibly excited about being married. We rarely argued (twice a year?), and if we did it was over something small and both of us ended up apologising no matter who was wrong. It was a great relationship. True love if there is such a thing.
He now regrets it, and says he was acting irrationally because he was ill. His explanation is that his depression made him feel devoid of emotion but that he now realises he loves me very much and does not want to lose me.
He says he wants to be alone right now and does not want me to look after him, but he wants me to please have faith that his behaviour was not him as himself, and please would I trust him and help him through this because he sees he has a problem. I agreed at the time, which was two weeks ago, but told him he had to get treatment.
He kept his commitment and he saw the doc and was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety brought on by stress. He started anti depressants about 10 days ago (which have made him feel worse thus far) and has begun therapy also this week.
I love this man more than I can ever explain, but he has also put me through an enormous amount of pain. He cut me off without argument or discussion, left me, broke off our engagement and essentially ripped my life apart with his actions. I was humiliated, betrayed and hurt beyond measure.
I want to be supportive, and I believe he is genuinely ill, but right now he is not fit to offer me any reassurance at all. He admits he still feels numb and often devoid of normal feeling and it's a very insecure and lonely place for ME to be and there is the obvious concern of a repeat performance. It is worth saying that previous to this, he was an incredibly kind, loving an wonderful partner who I thought the world of. Nothing in this behaviour is anything like his usual personality. He is usually very strong, calm, reliable, dependable. He is actually know for being like that!
I keep harping back to how horrible he was to me and was wondering if anyone with experience of severe depression / breakdowns of this type can actually tell me..
Can it REALLY make you feel like you don't love your partner who you previously adored?
Can it make you act cold and uncaring to those closest to you?
I love him very much and want to make it work but feel so wounded and insecure that this is all very hard! Right now he is still very, very unwell.
Put the internet to work for you.
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