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still coping with what happened

So my wife and I have has plenty of problems in our marriage. I was out drinking and working so much. I was mean to her, I called her names, I would leave overnight after fights and stay at hotels. O wasn't a good husband at all. Over time she got depressed and was taking pain pills. She would sleep all the time, leave the house a mess, never wanted to do stuff with us. One day I got fed up wrote a divorce letter and left. Told her I hated her, and called her mean names. I left and she called me saying she wanted to kill herself. I acted like an ass and told her she was trying to trick me. I finally came home and she said she wanted to leave. She went to her moms and called an old friend she reconnected with on Facebook. He was more than sympathetic and she sent him texts that I later found saying how she wanted him. He asked what she would do to him in bed and she told him whatever he wants and went into vivid detail about all that he could do. I foun d a Facebook message to her girl friend saying she was nervous about meeting him and didn't think she was going too. I don't think they ever met but I am still having a hard time after we got back together 3 days later. There were hundreds of texts between them in 3 days, some saying she was only with me because of her getting pregnant. I have been working hard to forgive and try to make things better but I still have all that running through my mind. Its been better after about a year but our sex life is like once or twice a month. Does she really want me or is she still just here for the kids? He texted her like six months ago and she showed me and sent him a text saying she loved me and it was a mistake. But why was she so sexual with him and I have to beg for sex?
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