Hi all,
Due to the delicacy of this situation and how weird it may seem, there is nobody that I know that I can turn to for advice... but I can't cope with this much longer.
I'm being dramatic, but I would really like your thoughts...
There's this girl (isn't there always). Going back about 14 months, she was asking people for help with her studies. It was an area that I was particularly good at and enjoyed so I figured I would help her out. Whilst I thought she was very pretty, there was no underlying intentions for it to be anything more than help studying. I enjoyed the thought of helping someone out I guess.
After a couple of months of twice-ish a week, 1 hour-ish study sessions at her place, we started to become really good friends. It was quite given how different we were as people. Everything from our music taste to our upbringing were polar opposites. Our attitudes towards everything were always different... yet for whatever reason we got on so, so well.
We became much closer as friends, we started spending a lot of time together. We were pretty much attached to the hip. If we weren't in lesson, we were with each other doing anything from shopping to going and seeing a movie. I've never enjoyed someone's company this much.
As we became closer, we also started becoming more honest about things. I had no skeletons in my closet and was just your run-of-the-mill "goody-too-shoes", whereas I started to become more and more aware of her smoking addiction, weed consumption and foul language... all of which I didn't really agree on... but hey... who am I to tell people how to live their life. As I said, we are very, very different. I'm not painting a good picture of her here but she is a lovely girl.
More months passed and we had spent so much time together that a lot of people genuinely thought we were dating. We laughed it off as we both knew we were best mates... however... I started developing feelings for her. I started to obsess about her. When she didn't text back I'd wait with my phone for hours wondering where she is and what she's doing. I started to get jealous when she was with other guys (but kept it to myself) and it started to become clear to me that I had a huge crush on her. I thought about her all the time every day and even lost sleep over it.
Not long after this I found out she was having sex with my older brother. It crushed me to pieces. I literally broke down (again, I kept this all to myself) I was filled with anger and jealousy. My older brother didn't even like her as a person and she didn't like him. I was the friend, he was the benefits. It was so messed up. They told people they were dating but I knew first hand from both parties that it was nothing more than sex. I felt so inferior. Like I wasn't good enough to take it to that level.
I continued to stay close with her and saw her almost every day. On one occasion I even drove my brother to her house because she asked me to for them to do the business. I was such a sucker...
Midway through general conversations with her she'd start texting my brother to arrange a meet up and switch off from me. When I pulled her up on this it then all became clear. She told me she was and has been doing this with other guys too. My brother knew about it and didn't care, but she just slept with particular people regularly who she rarely converses with. She literally just uses them for sex and they use her back.
I bit my tongue and didn't want to jeopardise our friendship. To put it bluntly I've never had many friends and struggled to have close friends and this girl kind of means everything to me. I still feel like I loved her. It's messed up I know but I just can't get her off my mind.
My older brother eventually got an actual girlfriend and binned her off. No skin of his/her nose, but she continued on with the other guys. She told me about how great they were in bed or whatever... There was this one guy who treated her like dirt that she kept going back to. It annoyed me. I'd be there for her and listen to all the things he'd done and let her know it's okay. I'd calm her down when she cried. Then the next day she'd go and have sex with him and it was the same thing all over. I ended up losing it with her. I got sick of it. I guess I was jealous and frustrated. I didn't speak to her for a whole day and it almost killed me. This is when I decided to go and see her and open up about all my feelings for her. We had a long conversation and she told me she needs me in her life and that I'm the only stability she's got. She said I'm the nicest boy she's ever known and couldn't;t cope without me and she meant it. She just doesn't want to date me... and there was t he added complication of dating my brothers ex.
Given that we must spend almost all day together for educational purposes and the fact that I didn't want to lose her from my life, I told her it's okay and that I'd still be her best friend. It was horrible. I wanted so much more.
Everything continued as before. I now pretend like I don't have feelings for her and that I'm back to just a best friend but I do. I really do. I stay at her house often. Even sleep in her bed beside her most nights... but nothing happens and it probably never will.
So... this is my dilemma. I've tried suppressing my feelings and returning to what a lot of people call "The Friendzone". As you can imagine, there's not many tips for doing this... it's a strange situation. I need her in my life but I still obsess about her all the time. I've been sat at my desk now just waiting for her to text me back. She's always on my mind it drives me crazy. I am insanely jealous when she goes to other guys houses. I want to be with her but she doesn't feel this way and as before, my older brothers been with her (does that make it weird? I'm assuming yes)
What on Earth do I do here? I feel like I'm putting myself through so much pain and hurt by being her best friend but at the same time it's almost like we need each other. I feel like I can't cut her out of my life, I see her every day and like her too much. :'(
This is probably going to come as a surprise, but the above is somehow a very concise summary and I've tried to include only the relevant parts.
Due to the delicacy of this situation and how weird it may seem, there is nobody that I know that I can turn to for advice... but I can't cope with this much longer.
I'm being dramatic, but I would really like your thoughts...
There's this girl (isn't there always). Going back about 14 months, she was asking people for help with her studies. It was an area that I was particularly good at and enjoyed so I figured I would help her out. Whilst I thought she was very pretty, there was no underlying intentions for it to be anything more than help studying. I enjoyed the thought of helping someone out I guess.
After a couple of months of twice-ish a week, 1 hour-ish study sessions at her place, we started to become really good friends. It was quite given how different we were as people. Everything from our music taste to our upbringing were polar opposites. Our attitudes towards everything were always different... yet for whatever reason we got on so, so well.
We became much closer as friends, we started spending a lot of time together. We were pretty much attached to the hip. If we weren't in lesson, we were with each other doing anything from shopping to going and seeing a movie. I've never enjoyed someone's company this much.
As we became closer, we also started becoming more honest about things. I had no skeletons in my closet and was just your run-of-the-mill "goody-too-shoes", whereas I started to become more and more aware of her smoking addiction, weed consumption and foul language... all of which I didn't really agree on... but hey... who am I to tell people how to live their life. As I said, we are very, very different. I'm not painting a good picture of her here but she is a lovely girl.
More months passed and we had spent so much time together that a lot of people genuinely thought we were dating. We laughed it off as we both knew we were best mates... however... I started developing feelings for her. I started to obsess about her. When she didn't text back I'd wait with my phone for hours wondering where she is and what she's doing. I started to get jealous when she was with other guys (but kept it to myself) and it started to become clear to me that I had a huge crush on her. I thought about her all the time every day and even lost sleep over it.
Not long after this I found out she was having sex with my older brother. It crushed me to pieces. I literally broke down (again, I kept this all to myself) I was filled with anger and jealousy. My older brother didn't even like her as a person and she didn't like him. I was the friend, he was the benefits. It was so messed up. They told people they were dating but I knew first hand from both parties that it was nothing more than sex. I felt so inferior. Like I wasn't good enough to take it to that level.
I continued to stay close with her and saw her almost every day. On one occasion I even drove my brother to her house because she asked me to for them to do the business. I was such a sucker...
Midway through general conversations with her she'd start texting my brother to arrange a meet up and switch off from me. When I pulled her up on this it then all became clear. She told me she was and has been doing this with other guys too. My brother knew about it and didn't care, but she just slept with particular people regularly who she rarely converses with. She literally just uses them for sex and they use her back.
I bit my tongue and didn't want to jeopardise our friendship. To put it bluntly I've never had many friends and struggled to have close friends and this girl kind of means everything to me. I still feel like I loved her. It's messed up I know but I just can't get her off my mind.
My older brother eventually got an actual girlfriend and binned her off. No skin of his/her nose, but she continued on with the other guys. She told me about how great they were in bed or whatever... There was this one guy who treated her like dirt that she kept going back to. It annoyed me. I'd be there for her and listen to all the things he'd done and let her know it's okay. I'd calm her down when she cried. Then the next day she'd go and have sex with him and it was the same thing all over. I ended up losing it with her. I got sick of it. I guess I was jealous and frustrated. I didn't speak to her for a whole day and it almost killed me. This is when I decided to go and see her and open up about all my feelings for her. We had a long conversation and she told me she needs me in her life and that I'm the only stability she's got. She said I'm the nicest boy she's ever known and couldn't;t cope without me and she meant it. She just doesn't want to date me... and there was t he added complication of dating my brothers ex.
Given that we must spend almost all day together for educational purposes and the fact that I didn't want to lose her from my life, I told her it's okay and that I'd still be her best friend. It was horrible. I wanted so much more.
Everything continued as before. I now pretend like I don't have feelings for her and that I'm back to just a best friend but I do. I really do. I stay at her house often. Even sleep in her bed beside her most nights... but nothing happens and it probably never will.
So... this is my dilemma. I've tried suppressing my feelings and returning to what a lot of people call "The Friendzone". As you can imagine, there's not many tips for doing this... it's a strange situation. I need her in my life but I still obsess about her all the time. I've been sat at my desk now just waiting for her to text me back. She's always on my mind it drives me crazy. I am insanely jealous when she goes to other guys houses. I want to be with her but she doesn't feel this way and as before, my older brothers been with her (does that make it weird? I'm assuming yes)
What on Earth do I do here? I feel like I'm putting myself through so much pain and hurt by being her best friend but at the same time it's almost like we need each other. I feel like I can't cut her out of my life, I see her every day and like her too much. :'(
This is probably going to come as a surprise, but the above is somehow a very concise summary and I've tried to include only the relevant parts.
Put the internet to work for you.
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