We're in our mid 30s and my wife seems to be having that proverbial mid-30s sex drive surge lately, and I'm not sure how to handle it.
Our sex life until now I would describe as "ok" -- we had a lot of chemistry and attraction when we met, and we've now been together 12 years and I still get easily turned on by her although more in an automatic sort of way. Sex has pretty consistently been 1-3 times per week, waxing and waning, and I don't think we've ever gone more than 2-3 weeks without sex. We're pretty vanilla, and that's fine with me because I see myself as a pretty vanilla guy. Really, I'm a little bit of a reserved person, conservative temperament, etc. -- I can "let go" in bed but I don't get into anything too crazy.
Suddenly lately I feel like my wife wants sex more often than I do and also wants something "different" and seems bored or frustrated with our sex. Some of this is what she tells me, some of it is just body and facial language. I want to give her what she wants, but I feel like she's not even sure she knows. She has remarked that she wanted me to be more of an "*******" in bed, but then other times lately she's complained that I was being too rough (even when I wasn't trying to be). She's also told me that certain things I do she's disliked for "years" even though she's never told me -- a horrible thing to find out!
My problems with this are mainly two things: (1) I work long hours in an office job, and lately in particular I've been working a lot and not getting much sleep or exercise. So I just don't have a lot of go or stamina in me to match her. And (2) the things she's told me and her reactions to me in bed lately are getting to me, making me more insecure, and that just becomes a feedback loop for me when we have sex now. It makes it so I can't relax.
In the past she's been very complimentary of me in bed. She said I was the first guy who really made her understand what sex was about, and the first guy she really enjoyed it with. I get that things get stale (they're stale for me sometimes too, but I guess I just don't let it bother me much).
Don't really know what to do. I'm really bad at stuff like role-playing fwiw - I always feel ridiculous.
Our sex life until now I would describe as "ok" -- we had a lot of chemistry and attraction when we met, and we've now been together 12 years and I still get easily turned on by her although more in an automatic sort of way. Sex has pretty consistently been 1-3 times per week, waxing and waning, and I don't think we've ever gone more than 2-3 weeks without sex. We're pretty vanilla, and that's fine with me because I see myself as a pretty vanilla guy. Really, I'm a little bit of a reserved person, conservative temperament, etc. -- I can "let go" in bed but I don't get into anything too crazy.
Suddenly lately I feel like my wife wants sex more often than I do and also wants something "different" and seems bored or frustrated with our sex. Some of this is what she tells me, some of it is just body and facial language. I want to give her what she wants, but I feel like she's not even sure she knows. She has remarked that she wanted me to be more of an "*******" in bed, but then other times lately she's complained that I was being too rough (even when I wasn't trying to be). She's also told me that certain things I do she's disliked for "years" even though she's never told me -- a horrible thing to find out!
My problems with this are mainly two things: (1) I work long hours in an office job, and lately in particular I've been working a lot and not getting much sleep or exercise. So I just don't have a lot of go or stamina in me to match her. And (2) the things she's told me and her reactions to me in bed lately are getting to me, making me more insecure, and that just becomes a feedback loop for me when we have sex now. It makes it so I can't relax.
In the past she's been very complimentary of me in bed. She said I was the first guy who really made her understand what sex was about, and the first guy she really enjoyed it with. I get that things get stale (they're stale for me sometimes too, but I guess I just don't let it bother me much).
Don't really know what to do. I'm really bad at stuff like role-playing fwiw - I always feel ridiculous.
Put the internet to work for you.
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