Just reposted in CWI. I think it was in the wrong section.
This post is aimed at cyber infidelity. I am unsure if my stbxh engaged in physical infidelity. I will never know the answer to that question. Therefore, this focuses on what I know and how his activity has destroyed me.
Society paints women as objects to be desired. We grow up wanting to be beautiful, thin, and attractive. From Barbie to Victoria Secret ads we learn early in life that our number one asset is our physical beauty. When we marry we want to be the object of our husband's desire. We want to experience everything with him. We want to explore sexually and satisfy his fantasies. Sure we may be highly educated, career oriented with high self esteem. However, at the core we need to be desired by the one person that we love.
When my husband and I married he showed no physical interest in me. I bought teddies. I ordered movies. I brought home sex games. I propositioned him. I did everything to step out. I got shut down. This hurt me to the core. I've never felt undesirable. I didn't know how to process it. Eventually I got bitter. I started striking back emotionally. This created more distance. I honestly felt I was deplorable and disgusting. Despite the fact that I look 10 years younger than I am (easy 10 years) or the fact that I'm in excellent shape I still felt ugly. Eventually I thought my H had a low sex drive and I seemed to accept that and stopped expecting him to touch me. So I stopped initiating and we just kind of had a scarce sex life.
After 7 years of this I found out he had a porn addiction. Not just porn. He researched and contacted escorts and signed up (paid for) adult dating sites. Suddenly it became a totally different scenario.
My H did not have a low drive. He had a very high drive. He just preferred to be satisfied by fantasizing about escorts and the possible swinging neighbor next door (so to speak).
This crippled me. He's been trying to win me back for a year. But I can't get over it. I can't sleep with him without feeling substandard. I can't take a compliment from him without thinking he's lying. I can't look him in the eyes without feeling the hurt and pain of being rejected. I once thought I was his everything. Now I feel like the only thing I ever was was his cook and maiden. Our whole marriage feels like a lie.
So why am I sharing this you might ask. Simply to combat the misconception that cyber infidelity means nothing to men and it's just a sexual fix. It might be a sexual fix for men. However, if a husband places his desire for other women above his desire for his wife, long-term psychological effects can destroy any chance he may have at saving his marriage.
Just a different perspective for anyone whom it may apply to.
This post is aimed at cyber infidelity. I am unsure if my stbxh engaged in physical infidelity. I will never know the answer to that question. Therefore, this focuses on what I know and how his activity has destroyed me.
Society paints women as objects to be desired. We grow up wanting to be beautiful, thin, and attractive. From Barbie to Victoria Secret ads we learn early in life that our number one asset is our physical beauty. When we marry we want to be the object of our husband's desire. We want to experience everything with him. We want to explore sexually and satisfy his fantasies. Sure we may be highly educated, career oriented with high self esteem. However, at the core we need to be desired by the one person that we love.
When my husband and I married he showed no physical interest in me. I bought teddies. I ordered movies. I brought home sex games. I propositioned him. I did everything to step out. I got shut down. This hurt me to the core. I've never felt undesirable. I didn't know how to process it. Eventually I got bitter. I started striking back emotionally. This created more distance. I honestly felt I was deplorable and disgusting. Despite the fact that I look 10 years younger than I am (easy 10 years) or the fact that I'm in excellent shape I still felt ugly. Eventually I thought my H had a low sex drive and I seemed to accept that and stopped expecting him to touch me. So I stopped initiating and we just kind of had a scarce sex life.
After 7 years of this I found out he had a porn addiction. Not just porn. He researched and contacted escorts and signed up (paid for) adult dating sites. Suddenly it became a totally different scenario.
My H did not have a low drive. He had a very high drive. He just preferred to be satisfied by fantasizing about escorts and the possible swinging neighbor next door (so to speak).
This crippled me. He's been trying to win me back for a year. But I can't get over it. I can't sleep with him without feeling substandard. I can't take a compliment from him without thinking he's lying. I can't look him in the eyes without feeling the hurt and pain of being rejected. I once thought I was his everything. Now I feel like the only thing I ever was was his cook and maiden. Our whole marriage feels like a lie.
So why am I sharing this you might ask. Simply to combat the misconception that cyber infidelity means nothing to men and it's just a sexual fix. It might be a sexual fix for men. However, if a husband places his desire for other women above his desire for his wife, long-term psychological effects can destroy any chance he may have at saving his marriage.
Just a different perspective for anyone whom it may apply to.
Put the internet to work for you.
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