Hello all
I am in such a bad state of mind that i don't even understand what i want anymore and so disapointed with myself…now i will tell you why!!!
I was in a 5 years relationship and moved out 1 week ago and i am devastated. i met him 5 years ago and we have a big age gap but i fell in love with him. he is been divorced with 2 grown up children. after 2 years i wanted to take a relationship further so i told him if you are not ready i need to move on so i left him for a week and he came back and said ok we will get engaged and eventually we will get married in the next few years until i know you better...so we got engaged and carried on living together… in the mean time i got him talking to girls ( he said there is nothing they are just friends) but apparently as he admitted later on they were his life boat as he was scared that i would leave him again…so we had few arguments about it but i thought i might have been childish so i toke a bit easy and he never stopped with the same girls …. in the mean time i was waiting for him to set the date for wedding but he would say next year or you left me how can i trust you, why is so important to you its just a pice of paper, I can't take financial risk at this age wait for another few years … not while ago i went on holiday back home and he brought one of the girls home and he didn't tell me anything but i did find out from the lipstick on the cup he said i forgot to tell you and i thought you will get upset but nothing happened between us it was just a bad weather so i asked her to come home and in the argument he said its my home and i will bring whoever i want (which later on he admitted it was wrong thing to say) now after 5 years he is telling me that he will never tied down himself to marriage and sometimes he says you should wait until the right time comes marriage will not change anything in our daily basis lif and etc… so i moved out again… now he says i love you and if you want to come back apologise for leaving me and come back we had a wonderful relationship together and you destroyed it by moving out … at the time i thought i have to move on but now I'm out i miss him so much its driving me crazy and i am really scared that i made a mistake by moving out and i may never find anyone like him as he was kind man….. as i moved out i found out I'm pregnant so i had to do abortion coz i was not sure where i am standing and he told me if i want i can keep the child but i knew he ididnt want to have more kids so i said I'm not going to keep it …he said to keep you i will have a child with you but i didnt accept sometimes he would get really disrespectful …. I'm so confuse and sad its killing me … don't know what to do please please help me …..
I am in such a bad state of mind that i don't even understand what i want anymore and so disapointed with myself…now i will tell you why!!!
I was in a 5 years relationship and moved out 1 week ago and i am devastated. i met him 5 years ago and we have a big age gap but i fell in love with him. he is been divorced with 2 grown up children. after 2 years i wanted to take a relationship further so i told him if you are not ready i need to move on so i left him for a week and he came back and said ok we will get engaged and eventually we will get married in the next few years until i know you better...so we got engaged and carried on living together… in the mean time i got him talking to girls ( he said there is nothing they are just friends) but apparently as he admitted later on they were his life boat as he was scared that i would leave him again…so we had few arguments about it but i thought i might have been childish so i toke a bit easy and he never stopped with the same girls …. in the mean time i was waiting for him to set the date for wedding but he would say next year or you left me how can i trust you, why is so important to you its just a pice of paper, I can't take financial risk at this age wait for another few years … not while ago i went on holiday back home and he brought one of the girls home and he didn't tell me anything but i did find out from the lipstick on the cup he said i forgot to tell you and i thought you will get upset but nothing happened between us it was just a bad weather so i asked her to come home and in the argument he said its my home and i will bring whoever i want (which later on he admitted it was wrong thing to say) now after 5 years he is telling me that he will never tied down himself to marriage and sometimes he says you should wait until the right time comes marriage will not change anything in our daily basis lif and etc… so i moved out again… now he says i love you and if you want to come back apologise for leaving me and come back we had a wonderful relationship together and you destroyed it by moving out … at the time i thought i have to move on but now I'm out i miss him so much its driving me crazy and i am really scared that i made a mistake by moving out and i may never find anyone like him as he was kind man….. as i moved out i found out I'm pregnant so i had to do abortion coz i was not sure where i am standing and he told me if i want i can keep the child but i knew he ididnt want to have more kids so i said I'm not going to keep it …he said to keep you i will have a child with you but i didnt accept sometimes he would get really disrespectful …. I'm so confuse and sad its killing me … don't know what to do please please help me …..
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