So I'm sure this has all been heard before, and that there's inevitably going to be some name-calling (deservedly!).
I have been with my girlfriend for just over three years. The first six months or so was great -- I would say I was in love. But in the latter stages of that year, and since, niggles have developed, and I'm certain that whilst I love and care for her, but am not in love with her any more.
At this point I suppose you're wondering why I'm still in this relationship. She is immensely vulnerable, some may say damaged, due to her upbringing. Out of her control, and she knows of the things she does, but they will continue to happen. I can't easily leave her without breaking her heart and making her issues worse.
On the other hand, the following (if she ever found out) would do just that anyway.
About a year into our relationship, on a drunken night out, I kissed a friend with whom I had past history. I told my girlfriend immediately though guilt, but I did lie and say that she kissed me and I was too drunk. Say what you will, but I knew that would hurt her less than her knowing the truth. As much as it benefitted me personally, she was better off not knowing I initiated it.
After a few months, it was clear that she had forgiven me for that mistake and that we were going to be okay relationship-wise.
However, I was still unhappy and unable to leave (I still am). Today I happened to meet up with that friend with history, and we had sex. I initiated it. I am a huge cheater, and I'm not asking for any relief of my guilt in that regard: I deserve it and I'm happy to pay the price for what I did.
What I do need help with is two-fold. I am clearly going to have to leave my girlfriend because it is unfair to her.
Do I tell her that I slept with a friend, knowing that it would immensely hurt her? Would it be better to end the relationship without her knowing what happened, being truthful in the other aspects of how I have become unhappy in this relationship?
I can guarantee that without me telling her, she would never know. So do I potentially ruin her sense of confidence with guys by being honest, or be dishonest and allow her to move on properly?
I have been with my girlfriend for just over three years. The first six months or so was great -- I would say I was in love. But in the latter stages of that year, and since, niggles have developed, and I'm certain that whilst I love and care for her, but am not in love with her any more.
At this point I suppose you're wondering why I'm still in this relationship. She is immensely vulnerable, some may say damaged, due to her upbringing. Out of her control, and she knows of the things she does, but they will continue to happen. I can't easily leave her without breaking her heart and making her issues worse.
On the other hand, the following (if she ever found out) would do just that anyway.
About a year into our relationship, on a drunken night out, I kissed a friend with whom I had past history. I told my girlfriend immediately though guilt, but I did lie and say that she kissed me and I was too drunk. Say what you will, but I knew that would hurt her less than her knowing the truth. As much as it benefitted me personally, she was better off not knowing I initiated it.
After a few months, it was clear that she had forgiven me for that mistake and that we were going to be okay relationship-wise.
However, I was still unhappy and unable to leave (I still am). Today I happened to meet up with that friend with history, and we had sex. I initiated it. I am a huge cheater, and I'm not asking for any relief of my guilt in that regard: I deserve it and I'm happy to pay the price for what I did.
What I do need help with is two-fold. I am clearly going to have to leave my girlfriend because it is unfair to her.
Do I tell her that I slept with a friend, knowing that it would immensely hurt her? Would it be better to end the relationship without her knowing what happened, being truthful in the other aspects of how I have become unhappy in this relationship?
I can guarantee that without me telling her, she would never know. So do I potentially ruin her sense of confidence with guys by being honest, or be dishonest and allow her to move on properly?
Put the internet to work for you.
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