Here's my short or not so short story...
We have been married for 16 years...we have had our fair share of good times and bad times...he is a sandbagger everything I have ever done he throws it in my face every chance he gets...especially when I mess up. He is very controlling and selfish at times. He is financially stable and makes life secure as possible for his family. He does not let go of anything and has accused me of having an affair many times through out the years.
Lots of things have built up through the years that I hadn't let go either and one night we went out for a friends birthday. He left me at the bar to be home when our daughter got home from her date. I had one to many and ended up at an after party and later on I went to a male friends house. I don't remember all of the details of that evening which is very scary to me as it is. I do remember waking up in a strange house and in an unfamiliar bed. I don't recall all of the events that happened there either. I'm not taking the easy way out either I honestly don't.
I moved out a week after it happened; left it all except for some personal items, clothes, shoes and such on May 17, he filed for the Divorce and it was final on Oct. 1. Continuing our separate ways keeping in contact only where our son/daughter were concerned. He got to the point that he didn't want anything to do with me at all because it hurt to much.
Then at the same time he started shutting me out...(I see that now as I type) I decided to move back closer because I missed my daughter/son terribly and I can't lie...him too. He didn't attend my families Thanksgiving and it felt really strange without him there, like a huge pink elephant in the room. I talked with my parents and made the decision to move in with them and talked to him and it turned out that he wanted to help me move back.
So... on Dec 1 he came to move me back. I haven't stayed a night yet at my parents house because I have been here with him and my daughter.... a little odd yet comfortable...because we are divorced. We have decided to work through this in hopes of reconciliation. I had a bad day yesterday and I am not sure we are doing the right thing. I love him dearly and I know I am the one who made the worst mistake ever and I have forgiven myself over the past few months. I can actually make love to him without the guilty tears flowing...believe me the first time after my one night stand was the most heartbreaking moment ever...I just cried and cried from the guilt of what I had done.
Now that we are talking and going forward with our relationship he is stuck and very persistent on knowing all the details and who it was. I am a firm believer that (knowing my ex-hubby through our past experiences) the details or disclosing the person won't help a thing and may even cause him to close up completely...I will lose him forever and I will be back at my parents trying to figure out my own single life like a teenager again.
I have accepted that I was unfaithful, I made the mistake, I have forgiven myself, I want to mend the relationship and move on. I know there will be rough times. I know I am not the only one at fault for the sad times in our marriage before the one night stand tho. I just don't know what to do. I can not live every day cussing and discussing the horrible details. He thinks I am protecting the other man but I am actually trying to protect him and try to save my marriage of 16 years.
He has played over that evening a million times in his mind and has narrowed it down to 4 men of which it was possible he says. He has named them off and has stated the persons name many times saying, "If it was ____ ____ then our marriage is over."; (When he says this I want to say: NEWSFLASH we ARE divorced!) It's like he knows in his heart and mind who it was and wants me to say it, admit it or something...but yet we continue to work through diligently day by day on this very emotional relationship trying to hold on with saying I love you's, sweet texts, talking about our future, family dinners, watching movies, decorating Christmas tree, shopping and wrapping gifts and continuing life as a married couple with Divorce papers...it's crazy I know.
Can we get passed this? Shall I tell him who it was...give him the NAME or go to my grave with it and tell him NOTHING? This is how I came up with my User Name because I still feel that it is Not4U2Know who. It's not that I am trying to keep it a secret I don't want secrets between us...I want my ex-hubby, life, and marriage back....and this put behind us...without reopening the wound every other day for more pain.....if that is at all possible.
I know there is no magic button to push that will make it all go away....just want some opinions from those who may have been through a similar situation. It was not ongoing fling just a one night thing...but it still hurts just the same.
We have been married for 16 years...we have had our fair share of good times and bad times...he is a sandbagger everything I have ever done he throws it in my face every chance he gets...especially when I mess up. He is very controlling and selfish at times. He is financially stable and makes life secure as possible for his family. He does not let go of anything and has accused me of having an affair many times through out the years.
Lots of things have built up through the years that I hadn't let go either and one night we went out for a friends birthday. He left me at the bar to be home when our daughter got home from her date. I had one to many and ended up at an after party and later on I went to a male friends house. I don't remember all of the details of that evening which is very scary to me as it is. I do remember waking up in a strange house and in an unfamiliar bed. I don't recall all of the events that happened there either. I'm not taking the easy way out either I honestly don't.
I moved out a week after it happened; left it all except for some personal items, clothes, shoes and such on May 17, he filed for the Divorce and it was final on Oct. 1. Continuing our separate ways keeping in contact only where our son/daughter were concerned. He got to the point that he didn't want anything to do with me at all because it hurt to much.
Then at the same time he started shutting me out...(I see that now as I type) I decided to move back closer because I missed my daughter/son terribly and I can't lie...him too. He didn't attend my families Thanksgiving and it felt really strange without him there, like a huge pink elephant in the room. I talked with my parents and made the decision to move in with them and talked to him and it turned out that he wanted to help me move back.
So... on Dec 1 he came to move me back. I haven't stayed a night yet at my parents house because I have been here with him and my daughter.... a little odd yet comfortable...because we are divorced. We have decided to work through this in hopes of reconciliation. I had a bad day yesterday and I am not sure we are doing the right thing. I love him dearly and I know I am the one who made the worst mistake ever and I have forgiven myself over the past few months. I can actually make love to him without the guilty tears flowing...believe me the first time after my one night stand was the most heartbreaking moment ever...I just cried and cried from the guilt of what I had done.
Now that we are talking and going forward with our relationship he is stuck and very persistent on knowing all the details and who it was. I am a firm believer that (knowing my ex-hubby through our past experiences) the details or disclosing the person won't help a thing and may even cause him to close up completely...I will lose him forever and I will be back at my parents trying to figure out my own single life like a teenager again.
I have accepted that I was unfaithful, I made the mistake, I have forgiven myself, I want to mend the relationship and move on. I know there will be rough times. I know I am not the only one at fault for the sad times in our marriage before the one night stand tho. I just don't know what to do. I can not live every day cussing and discussing the horrible details. He thinks I am protecting the other man but I am actually trying to protect him and try to save my marriage of 16 years.
He has played over that evening a million times in his mind and has narrowed it down to 4 men of which it was possible he says. He has named them off and has stated the persons name many times saying, "If it was ____ ____ then our marriage is over."; (When he says this I want to say: NEWSFLASH we ARE divorced!) It's like he knows in his heart and mind who it was and wants me to say it, admit it or something...but yet we continue to work through diligently day by day on this very emotional relationship trying to hold on with saying I love you's, sweet texts, talking about our future, family dinners, watching movies, decorating Christmas tree, shopping and wrapping gifts and continuing life as a married couple with Divorce papers...it's crazy I know.
Can we get passed this? Shall I tell him who it was...give him the NAME or go to my grave with it and tell him NOTHING? This is how I came up with my User Name because I still feel that it is Not4U2Know who. It's not that I am trying to keep it a secret I don't want secrets between us...I want my ex-hubby, life, and marriage back....and this put behind us...without reopening the wound every other day for more pain.....if that is at all possible.
I know there is no magic button to push that will make it all go away....just want some opinions from those who may have been through a similar situation. It was not ongoing fling just a one night thing...but it still hurts just the same.
Put the internet to work for you.
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