confused heartbroken men's input welcomed

Hi I'm Stephanie . I been married for five years to to my narcissistic husband. In the beginning he was everything I could imagine and to make long story short over time trust has Bern i taken. We've had issues with his drinking never making plans his mood anger has. This is his second marriage and well we are in the exact same issue he was in first time exactly it's scary. It's like he's repeating same thing with us. I've forgiven him so many times. I finally walked out when I discovered him having online dating sites sent pictures Asian porn galore. Even talking to ex's even the girl he cheated on me with years ago. We have two kids. I feel shattered.he's in Afghanistan right now and I'm at my mother's. I'm.confused I gave him endless sex love attention and now I feel insecure worthless. He blames my negativity nagging *****ing to. And when confronted he doesn't explain why.. doesn't answer my questions why when I want how when why all.he.does is tell other people how he feels why . But avoids talking to Me about the situation. He acts like a child. He tells me the lamest reasons. I told him not to get on the coy to watch porn because our son goes on it and did I find more. When confronted he says he wanted me to find it...but the day before we were getting everything ready due future. He's mean acts like I never existed .won't explain to me anything didn't bring up how he wants fix marriage but says he won't give me a divorce and lives me. But I'm telling you he goes off on me for his wrong doing s. Curses all that. I expected something different. Am I stupid for wanting all this to go away and want my family back. I put my foot down. I'm done I may have low self esteem but I know my worth. I'm just torn because my kids and everything we had. And all he does is make me feel like it's my fault .avoid talking about it by skipping around and saying how good we had it and this that. I feel like I married a strange. . I didn't want to be another couple who divorces but he's doing all the things he did in his first marriage he never comes clean I always find out. I wonder at times if he's the one that messed up why is he so hostile towards me.? Why instead of reaching out to his family if we mean so much.. would he get on fb and ask everyone for there numbers and addresses to keep in touch while he's in Afghanistan ? Smh. The way he acts with me is hot and cold. But still no explanation already for.closure. I Been clear to him that I want divorce and there's no trust he messed it up for kids. He said is not good for kids if we split. I told him well YOU didn't think of that six you. Why do I blame myself ..same time I was always avail for him and In desired him always . He barely ever wanted to go out with me and if we did he be in bad mood. Then when confronted he says we had a great time stop ruining it. If he's unhappy why not just leave. Then to cheat. I told him YOUR looking for a replace meant he goes no I'm not. I'm so heartbroken and destroyed. Am I being selfish not thinking of our kids house....? I know what bi deserve why is it so hard choosing. I'm a attractive Latina I do everything and seems like not enough. Posted via Mobile Device

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