Starting University tomorrow - If it goes wrong I will become homeless

I start University tomorrow. I'm 21. I have had depression for 5 years which has ruined my life. I have been affiliated with a stammer which means I find verbal communication very difficult. The product of which is poor social skills. I have committed suicide and got to the point of being sectioned under the mental health act when. I had no friends at 6th form - absolutely none and so the likelihood of me having friends at university is very slim. I can't hold a conversation with anyone. I'm quite ugly too. All of this makes me a social outcast. If (When) university fails I will withdraw all of my student loans money and make my way across Europe to Venice. I like being by myself and the prospect of living my life so close to death makes me very excited. I will not return home and live a life of nothingness. If I die then so be it. I see this as a challenge for myself. My destination is the Ospedale della Pieta in Venice. I will have enough money for a couple of years. I have a violin and I know many of Vivaldi's string concertos. I will serenade passersby with Vivaldi for them to hand me kind offerings. Then I will sustain myself. I will find a homeless women and have a child with her then perhaps be granted a house. I must get myself to this place and explore the environment and see others destitute like myself. Of course, some will be hostile and given my age I'll be an easy target. So be it. At least I will have peace from the torment of life.

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