Wife texting ex-boyfriend

I'm curious to hear all opinions. My wife and I have been married almost 20 years. We have 5 children and generally have a happy existence. We share great intimacy despite having our relationship difficulties along the way. She has an ex-boyfriend who really was her first love. She got along swimmingly with his parents (both since deceased) and sister. In fact, she is still quite good friends with his sister and our daughters are only a year apart and go to the same school. Back in 2010, she and said ex met at a restaurant and began what I consider to be an emotional affair. He proclaimed his love for her, but realize that he was at a low point in his own marriage and was seeking validation from wherever he could find it. They began texting, but I believe her when she says nothing happened. I called him out in the early hours of the morning when it got really bad (she was deleting texts) and at that point he had to explain to his wife why he was getting a call from me at 2:00 AM. The emotional affair was put to rest for the most part. While I never got an apology from him, I did get confirmation from her that lines were blurred, but none crossed. His wife was pissed, but they stayed together with the caveat of no contact. In fact, they have had their first baby in the meantime, bringing them closer together. However, my wife continues to tell me she loves him, but not in a romantic way and she continues to text him on occasion. This really bothers me. I trust that nothing will happen, but she refuses to stop texting him when I ask her to do so. I know he is not telling his wife that they are texting for he protects her from any of this activity. My wife writes him letters (which she never sends). While there is nothing blatantly inappropriate in the letters, I do not like her referencing her past with him. She simply cannot let the past be the past. I feel as though she is disrespecting me and also his wife, who has asked for no contact between them. What really bothers me is that I could walk away and I know for a fact that she will not fight for our relationship, yet she continues to fight for a "friendship" with him, despite my wishes. I cannot walk away, for I do not desire to be a part-time father to my young kids. I would rather break ties completely, however painful that might be for all involved. I love her dearly, but I cannot stand the jealousy that boils up every time the texting ensues, no matter how innocent. She doesn't care if I read the texts, she does not delete them and says there is nothing to hide. I would appreciate any thoughts and opinions you all might have.

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