I cheated. HELP

My husband (sageweller) has been posting on here about our marital problems. He asked me to post my side of the story. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and together for 10. We have a 2-year-old son and both work from home, are together all day every day in a remote area with little outside contact. We had been having some communication problems. Fighting a lot. Lost that close connection we'd had. I know that is not an excuse, but when I was gone for about 5 days, I started texting an old friend. We'd been friends since way before I met my husband. He had always been interested in me, but I wasn't in him. We texted for about 24 hours about general stuff, then it turned into why we didn't ever get together, which turned into what would happen if we had, which turned into sexting. We exchanged naked pictures. We sexted two nights in a row while I was away, then continued texting about regular stuff, flirting, but no direct sexual talk. When I returned home, my husband knew right away that something was amiss and I confessed that night that I had been texting the OM. I trickled the truth as you all call it and it was a couple days later before I came totally clean. My husband was furious (rightfully so) and asked me to leave, but I told him I didn't want a divorce. And I don't. I know that our marriage hasn't been the best lately, but I think we should try to make it work, especially for our son. However, I missed the excitement of talking to the OM and his friendship. My husband took my phone (eventually returned it with a block on the OM's number) blocked him from facebook etc. and removed all ways I could contact him. Things seemed to be improving until the day before I left for a trip (which had been planned long before all this) with friends. We had a big fight because since the betrayal my husband and I had been having sex every day. The night before I left I was tired and grumpy and so we didn't. His feelings were hurt. We reconciled before I left (with sex.) Anyway, while I was away, a mutual friend of mine and the OM was there and we were discussing him. I admit that I thought it would make me feel better if the OM had someone else in his life. I was hoping she would be interested in him. For some reason, I just couldn't shake caring about his happiness. She started texting the OM on her phone and I was drinking and joined in. We didn't talk about anything sexual, but after a lull in our texts, he called. She didn't want to talk to him (has no sexual attraction to him, she's in love with somebody else) so she gave the phone to me. I knew that it was a bad idea, but lowered inhibitions from the alcohol and yes, I admit, the idea of talking to him was exciting, so I took the phone. We didn't talk about anything sexual, just about what had happened since we had talked. I told him that I couldn't talk to him anymore, that I was sorry that I had put him in this messed up situation, and that we could never be friends again. I told him I had to try to make my marriage work. He was supportive but expressed that he wanted me to be happy. I didn't confess my indiscretion that night, but the next day I knew I had to tell my husband. I was in the middle of reading "Not Just Friends" and knew that I had to get serious about cutting the OM out of my life. My husband has agreed to try to make it work, but we are still struggling. I have not contacted the OM since. I did tell our mutual friend about it later that night, and she agreed that I needed to make our marriage work. We have not discussed him since. I also told my parents about it since then, so that they could help support me as they also know the OM. So I guess, we are looking for advice on how to get past this. And, I, specifically, am wondering why would I continue to hurt my husband like this? I know what I did was wrong, but it's so hard to stop. I still have to consciously stop myself from thinking about the OM. Can our marriage be saved? How? On a sidenote, my husband seems to be using sex as a way to heal. He wants to have sex everyday, and if it isn't completely mindblowing for me, he is disappointed and retreats from me emotionally. Is this normal? It's hard for me to get that wound up for sex everyday. How can I make him happy? Thanks for your help.

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979