Relationship is over. Trying to find what went wrong.

March 6 2010 to June 8 2013 Three years and three months, or 1192 days. This is how long it lasted. Now that the fog is starting to clear, I am putting the jigsaw pieces together, trying to find what went wrong. At first I thought the main problem is the sex, but now that I can see more clearly I realize sex was just the tip of the iceberg and there were deeper problems in the relationship. This will be very long so I will submit it in several posts over the next days. To get some more insight you can read my other threads: I am going to break up with long term GF because of bad sex. GF puts too many conditions on sex. My GF won't wake up in the morning First year, living separately. My now exGF was always acting a bit strange. For example, at the first date after we kissed for the first time: Being so happy to be with her, I couldn't keep my hands off her, kissing and hugging her all the time. She was responding, but I could feel something was holding her back. Was slightly irked and called her on that. She replied that she just wasn't the touchy-feely type. I was so happy at the time that I didn't give it a second thought. On the subsequent dates she went through a phase when we would be out for a drink and she would go totally sad and wouldn't talk after a while, sometimes would also start crying. I asked what was wrong and if it was me. She would quickly comfort me that it hadn't to do with me, but offered some weird explanations for her sadness, like a serious illness in a family member that now was cured years ago and some other vague and weird stuff. I believe this phase stopped after a month or so. A couple of months into our relationship, she started getting mad at me at minor things that I would never think would offend her. And when I say mad I mean cranked all the way up to 11 mad. At other times she would be giving me the silent treatment, sometimes for seemingly no reason at all. Now all these were spaced widely enough so I wasn't concerned much, although I was starting to question my sanity. When I first met her, her job and the entire sector was going down the drain. She was a bit anxious about that because even if she quit her current job she would be hard pressed to find work at another place. So I attributed most of these behaviors to work related stress and anxiety. At this stage we were living separately, but almost every night I would be at her home. Sex was ok, nothing mindblowing but it was frequent, basically we had sex every time we met. We did have some disagreements though, because her comfort level on sex was extremely low and I expected that at this stage of the relationship it should be kicked up a notch or two and we should have a lot more than vanilla sex, which never happened. Second year: moved in together and major problems start We had our little problems as I described above and the main problem for me was the sex (you can read about it with more details on my other threads). I thought that she still wasn't feeling completely comfortable with me and if we moved in together the problems would go away (silly me). So we find a new, very nice home at a nice neighborhood and move in. Shortly thereafter, the frequency of sex dropped dramatically. I was expecting better and more frequent sex after moving in and I got exactly the opposite. I was getting restless inside, but I didn't say anything. I thought she had not adapted to the new environment yet. Also at the same time she had taken the decision to do a career change. That would involve taking a very tough exam and if she passed she would have to spend nine months at another city, 6 hours drive away for training. I was supportive of her for her decision and realized that she's going through a quite stressful phase. I wanted more sex but didn't want to complain and add up to her stress. However as time passed I was still getting rejected a lot, just getting a trickle of sex and her behavior was getting weirder and weirder. At one time we were watching TV and out of the blue she burst in tears and said that she's making my life miserable. Nothing that I can recall had happened previously to trigger that. Also some times when we would have sex, while she would be willing at first, five minutes into the act she would turn dead fish. And now some really weird incident: We were watching a DVD. I had brought beers and popcorn. I was slightly irked with her, because earlier in the day she had once again rejected me, but I didn't say anything and we were having a good time. But I was still boiling inside from the rejection so I had one beer too many, got sick and went to the bathroom. When I got out I was still not feeling very well so I lied down on the bed. Once again she was mad at me. She came in the bedroom and started dressing in a sexy dress and high heels and announced that she's going out for a drink, alone (with emphasis on alone). She also added that dressed like this it wouldn't take long before she managed to hook up with someone! :eek: I was just staring at her, speechless. The only thing in my mind was that if she went out of the door, I was out too, for good. Eventually when she finished getting dressed up she then undressed and went to watch the rest of the movie or something. I had said absolutely nothing to trigger such a response, on the contrary I was trying to forget the rejection and act cheerful around her, so I cannot fathom where that came from. And thankfully she didn't try to pull that kind of crap on me again.

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