No sex life for 6 years... I need help!

Hi all, I appreciate that I am far from alone in this and I'm not expecting a forum to dramatically improve my sex life (would be nice though) but hopefully reading some of your thoughts might help. So anyway, I have been with my wife for 8 years and married for 6. Sex was never an issue until we got married. I don't know if it's relevant but her grandfather passed away in the early hours of our wedding day. I was told by the father-in-law on the morning of the wedding and tasked with keeping it from my new wife until the next day when I had to sit her down and give her the bad news (one of the hardest things I've ever had to do BTW). So, before marriage we were having sex at least once every 2 weeks which wasn't as much as I would have liked but was enough to keep me happy. After the marriage it took about 6 months before the wedding was consummated and since then I think we've had intercourse 4 or 5 times in 6 years (no I haven't missed any zeros off the numbers!). At this point, although embarrassing, I have to be fair and point out that I am prone to suffer from nervous ED. My wife always said this wasn't a problem but did later admit that it did make sex a bit of a chore (nice!). Anyway, I have seen the doctor and he suggested counselling, which ended up being more about my marriage than me so my wife attend a few sessions. Following some suggestions from the counsellor, I thought for a while that things may improve but, no. I have tried to get my wife to talk about this on so many occasions but she get's really defensive/angry and always says the same thing "I don't like talking about this!". We really love each other and I'm sure if the love wasn't so strong that I would have walked away a long time ago. Phew, that was a lot longer than I thought it was going to be, sorry :o Anyway, I guess I need help with knowing how to talk to my wife about this and get her to open up and tell me what she wants. It seems crazy but after 8 years I still don't know exactly what she would like from sex. Please help and feel free to ask questions coz I know I don't make much sense at the best of times. Thanks for reading.

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