first post

I have been coming to this site for a while , but this is my first post . I have a lot to write down at once but who else do you talk to about these types of things. First off about three years ago I suspected my wife of having a affair . I did a lot of searching and hacking accts and never came up with anything concrete. We have been together for 19 years and married for 11 this year so at the time it would have been year 7 of marriage but forever in our relationship . one thing that really got me wondering was she said I wasn't aloud to kiss her breast anymore during sex . another thing was she wanted me to have a vasectomy because she couldn't stand the thought of our 2 children ages 4 and 8 now ever having half brother and sisters if we ever got divorced , and this is after she had her tubes tied when my daughter was born . She also changed her opinion one day and started defending her cousins wife who had a affair on him saying you don't know what was going on in their relationship and that was after she used to talk so bad about her . there was also a other things but im not going to list them all out . anyways I did the worst thing to do . I confronted her without concrete proof after I got home from a midnight shift and suspected something was off ( I worked swing shift at that time ). Anyways her reaction was nothing like I guessed it would be she started crying really hard and I remember how she wouldn't even look at me and was telling me about her contacting this girl who had gotten into a accident with her parents and had killed her father 2 years prior . she said she wanted to forgive her and move on . anyways I kind of believe that part of the story but I still suspected her of a affair . I also did the next worse thing you could do, I told her about all my evidence that I had collected , however nothing was concrete . Anyways she left for work and we didn't talk again until that night. When she got home she was very cold and not really wanting to talk, saying that I crazy and nothing was going on . I told her that if there was something it needed to end now . I realize I did some really crazy things like putting tape on doors after I would leave for work and I even installed a key logger on the computer but never got any hard evidence . I sure wish I had known about this site back then and all the good advice on it . Do I think it still is going on today ? no but I still think of it a lot and wish I new the truth for sure . it seems like it would have almost been easier if she would have had one and it was all in the open . Maybe I was just paranoid , she had just changed jobs to a credit union that is located inside a factory , and she would come home talking about the other girls that worked with her dating guys from the plant , also one of those girls was married . I do feel better now, it seems as those girls are gone now and it's a good group of people . Since then there has been financial infidelity where she just came clean with 17k in credit card debt . that was last fall . she has always had a problem with money and I should not have been surprised but I thought it was all taken care of . I gave her 7k and she put the rest on a consolidation loan . I told her when I gave her the money to just keep a 1k credit card and no more funny stuff of balance transfers and the usual bull **** games she plays . Any ways that lasted about 5 months when I saw a cc envelope in the mail . I opened it and found that she had maxed that one out and transferred to a 0 percent again . when I try to talk to her about it the fights get really bad . then to top it all off she comes home with a dog that she rescued when me and my 8 year old son are allergic to them . She just says chill out he is hypo allergenic . well since then my son has been taking allergy medicine for a runny nose and im taking it every day just in case . I often wonder how people can change so much she never use to be so selfish but she is slowly turning into her mother . Any ways im stuck paying all the bills for living , she pays for daycare so that she can work makes a payment on her car and very little else . So now the question is , why am I still here ? I tell myself I am sticking around for the kids , lets face it she pretty much has no money left to raise kids even though she brings home as much as I do. even with the childsupport she would get from me it still would not be enough with all her debt she currently has . we have a nice house in a nice neighborhood and the kids love it here. It seems like the days are 50 50 half the time I hate her. and half the time I realize I do still love her . Its really hard sometimes staying married to a women where I wonder about a potential affair and also with the other things whether she really does even still want to be married . she says she does but is it just that she has no where else to go . I have also learned from being on this site that I definetly fall into the nice guy and codependent category . She does not get home from work until 530 and I get off at 230. Normally by the time she is home dinner is ready and homework is done . I have always been a person that has put everyone else's needs before my own , and I feel the resentment building .hopefully things will just work themselves out . right now on the money I decided I will just let her go the bankruptcy rout next time since all of our accounts are separate and the house is just in my name . wow I realize that was a lot for a first post and I know the responses are going to be brutal , I just felt like it would be a good place to vent . one last bit she will be 38 this year and I will be 37 ( we have been together since we were 19 ) I also still find myself snooping from time to time since the trust has been so damaged . Thank you for reading , Lostohio

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979