LD Differences In Men And Women

First of all, my heart really goes out to the many who post about non-sexual marriages. Reading some of these posts got me to thinking about low drive in men vs low drive in women. First of all, I do think it is different for a woman who wants sex from a man who has no desire. That is because, statistically, men desire sex more than women. When a women is rejected, it just seems so unnatural. I, as a man, can't even comprehend it. That is not to say that it is easy for a man and I have experienced that rejection. However, in my case, I really don't think it was that my wife has low drive, even though she rarely thinks about sex. In her case there were several factors. Early in our marriage, I had no clue what her emotional needs were. About the only time I gave her any attention was when I wanted some. When I was rejected, I became very sarcastic and moody (yea...like THAT would make me attractive). I learned that my wife needed me to meet her emotional needs first, then she would feel intimate with me. I also learned that she has responsive desire. This means that she does not really think about sex, or is really into sex, until I initiate and we get going. Thankfully, once we get going, she can really get into it and she really responds...and by that, I mean that she just does not lie there, but I will spare you the details. But how is it for a man? I have never heard "responsive desire" referring to a man's sexual desire. Generally speaking, a man needs sex to feel emotionally close, so I can't see how not meeting his needs emotionally (as in the 5 love languages) would have any effect on his desire. So for all the women on the boards who just want their man to take them, I wish I had an answer for you. I would suggest sex therapy, but that is like trying to get someone to eat who is not hungry. It may take drastic measures. Deep down, do I wish my wife were like some of you? Sure I do; it would be a lot easier! But life is not always about what is easy. I am madly in love with her and at least she responds (quite nicely), unlike others I read about here. Just some random thoughts from a guy who doesn't understand it.

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