Becoming bitter about marriage

I have been wanting to take a step and try to talk to somebody about this issue I've been having. I don't know where to or how to start. But I guess the best way to put it out plainly is... I have a husband, four kids (two are our and other two are husband's from pervious relationship), live in a nice house, drive nice new cars, and my husband make good money at his career. You know all that "American dream" stuff. Because of this, I just feel almost ashamed to even feel the way I do. I'm just terrified of even trying to bring anything up to anybody. I just pretend everything is just lovely and I couldn't be any happier. The truth is... When I was younger, I fell madly in love with this man. I met him when I was 24 and working in a restaurant. He was in the area to rock climb and skiing. He invited me to go with him a few times. After that, he was leaving for Caribbean to teach and guide scuba diving. I got a second job and worked and saved like crazy. Within a month and half I was in St. Martin with him for what was supposed to be only three months learning scuba become master diver. It turn into a four years long expedition that take places in six out of seven continents in nearly two dozen different countries, do everything ranged from jump from a airplane to climb some of tallest mountain to scuba dive in some of most beautiful place in the world to exploring caves. It felt so good to know I was tanned because I was actually outdoor all time, knowing this man like my hair short so I doesn't have to worry about fixing my hair at all, wear what's comfortable so I can focus more on performing better at everything, getting paid to have fun, and never need to worry about everyday thing. Unfortunately on one visit to the family, I was 28 at the time. Over 6 weeks, I noticed all of my friends are now married, have a steady career and already buying or saving for house. Some had kids of their own or were pregnant. My oldest sister was married to a wonderful man and had two kids, great job, and beautiful house. Other one was on her way. My parents also were worried about me. I end up become convinced that I've had my fun and it is time to focus on being "grown up" I really thought it would be so joyful to have such a stable family life. My boyfriend... Unfortunately no body seems to show any interest in him. Everybody was telling me he's a idiot and will end up getting himself killed one day and if he didn't he will end up be old and have no skills to do any real job and will live in poverty. I ditched him in a hurry and horrible manner. Not long afterward, my sister introduced me to this man who was a semipro football player. The chemistry wasn't anything like what I had with my boyfriend. But we still clicked and he seems to really know what he was doing and where he was going in life. Everybody also said he was a great choice for me and that we were on great path. Well... Turn out he's always busy at work, when he isn't he is always in pain from football day and want to do nothing but stay home and watch tv all day. He hate cold and is terrified of deep water unless he's in boat. He is 6'8 and around 300 lbs so that creates issue with skydiving, climbing, and other things. His idea of fun is just to relax and fishing which I don't enjoy! I thought he would at least like to travel... Turn out he only like to go to tropical place that are developed and caters to tourists and speak English. Over time I keep telling myself I'm happy and that I have a great loving family and a nice life. However last weekend... One of my friend mentioned about her trip to Europe and how she went scuba. That just really sadden me. Now I realized I feel so empty and hollow. I really miss the life I used to had. I don't know what to do now. It seems like no body had time for anything nowaday and when they do, they just want to be lazy. I'm even starting to resent my husband and my family. It seems like half of the time I'm just trying to go back in the state I used to be and forget all about the current life I have now. This really hurt me. I don't know what to do and would be grateful for any help.

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979