Wife hates my mom with a passion

My wife hates my mother so bad that she hasn't seen my folks in many years. My mother said something that offended my wife 14yrs ago and she just festers over it. My mom apologized for it and everything. My folks live 2hrs away. The other day my mom called to say that they were on the way to our house to drop off some christmas presents. My wife found out they were comming and hurried and left so she wouldn't be here when they got here. It's very difficult for me to tell my folks that they are not allowed in our house. It's not fun to go to family reunions and christmas parties anymore because everyone can't understand why my wife's not there. My wife still encourages me to take our 4 kids to be with their grandparents though. I've begun to despise christmas now because I can't stand going stag to my family's events with my aunt's and uncles asking where my wife is. I can't just say "she hates my mom so she doesn't come" because then they'll ask why and I don't want to get in to it. I feel like a single dad. I don NOT put my mother ahead of my wife. This year I decided to taked the kids to thanksgiving dinner at my relatives. (after avoiding thanksgiving invites for the past 8yrs) while my wife stayed home by herself. I've made it very clear I choose my wife over my mother. I see my mom maybe 3 times a year. When my grandparents died she wouldn't attend the funerals because she knew my mom would be there....and I kinda needed a wife's support at the time but I just powered through it. The problem is that it hurts my mom so much (she really likes my wife and want's my wife to like her in return) My dad is now annoyed that his wife is being treated like crap and is a little uncomfortable if me and my boys go hunting or fishing with grandpa... it's uncomfortable to avoid the conversation of whre my wife is. Can't blame my dad for sticking up for his woman... as I'd do the same if I were him. The deep level of hate and unforgiveness that my wife is teaching my kids is concerning. In fact my teenage daughter asked me the other day why mom hates grandma so bad. Very difficult to answer. But I have to be fine going to my wife's folks whom she loves. My wife and I already have a rocky marriage that I've been trying to fix for years. I think she associates me with the hate she has for my mother. How do I start mending this?

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