Divorced 4 Months Am I a Sucker?

My wife decided to end our 20 year marriage in October 2011. She moved out and we were divorced this past October. I am trying to move on, but every morning while having coffee by myself, I try to figure it out. She had strayed before, about 15 years ago. I think there may have been a couple other "one nighters and flirtations". I think she probably fell out of love with me a long time ago. Funny thing is, the best years of our marriage were 2004-2010. But I should tell you that she did finish an advanced degree during those years. She didn't work during those "best years". She seemed to get distant pretty fast after she got her high paying job. Of course, the career start also coincided with the kids flying the coup. I know I'm not a really warm guy. Brought up in the great white north of tough stock. But I never wanted anyone else. Maybe I'm selling myself short, and I'm just afraid of letting go. I had the kids over Christmas, that was good of her. Right before Christmas, however, I started receiving many emotional texts from ex about insomnia, sickness, her admitting that she divorced me too fast, and general grief about loosing "us". These texts died down right after the holidays. My question is, was her emotional outburst just about missing the family? Or is she embarrassed that she let her feelings out? Because since that time, she has texted me that she does not want to talk to me, not even about the kids. She says it's too painful. "That she thinks of us and me everyday, how could she not?" I guess I'm a little scared to get out there. I do hold out the hope that we will be together again someday. We were such good friends. At least it felt that way. Am I a sucker? Thanks for posting any comments and advice.

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