Here we go again

Well I should be a pro at this by now. My wife and I have been seperated for six weeks today. This makes the third or fourth time in almost 11 years that we have done this. We actually filed for divorce twice but ended up getting back together before it was all final. Our story is a rocky one to say the least. We have two beautiful kids (7 and 10) and I am tired of them having to see mom and dad go through this. The first time we split was right after she found out she was pregnant with our firstborn. When she recieved the divorce papers three months later she wanted me back and I agreed. The second time we split we had just bought a new house and had been in it for one month. After she left I found out she had been drinking daily and had a eating disorder. I worked two jobs to put her through treatment. While there I learned she had been abused as a teenager by a family friend. All the while she did not want to have anything to do with me. So aft er seven months I filed for divorce again. After I started dating someone else she wanted me back and I reluctantly agreed. Since then we have been together for four years. Moved back around her family which I did not want to do because they are controlling. Once moving she had multiple surgeries and started having seizures. Since all that she became distant, sleeping on her side of the bed with her arm wrapped over her pillow. Most nights she stayed up on facebook looking at photos of her friends and texting. She has become stagnant in her career and has made no attempt to move forward. I am currently working on my masters degree and trying to save money for a house. But none of that matters now. About a year ago I noticed that I was not in love with her anymore. We fought about everything but mostly we fought because she was drinking again. She only cared to be intimate with me when she was drunk and that made me feel like crap. So finally I packed my stuff and moved out. Like I said earlier I have been gone for six weeks. At first we talked and texted and even went out together and with the kids. But in the past week or two we started becoming more distant with each other. Yesterday she told me that she did not think counseling would help and that we should go our seperate ways. I agreed. So why is it that I know that we are not good for each other but I still love and miss her? I do not want to think of her being with another man although she did it in the past when we were split up and it nearly drove me crazy. Why is it that this is driving me insane? I know that if I get back with her we will continue to fight. She is not willing to move away from her family who are a big part of my problem. So what do I do????????

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