Emotional affair with Physical Aspect

Background: I have a male friend from high school (he is married and is with the same woman for 20 years). I had a crush on him in high school, which he is aware of. Recently, over the past 2 ½ years, we've reconnected via facebook. Initially, our conversations were "formal" in nature, "How are you?", etc. However, this has shifted within the past 7 months or so. He began asking me more personal questions. In addition, we have left no topic unturned, including sex. I should add that he contacts me first all the time, not the other way around. We converse just about every day, if not 5 times a week – sometimes in text, or facebook chat, or he'll call me. We have spent sometimes in excess of 6 hours talking in one day in total. He contacts me at all times, even on business trips, when he is with his wife at a bed and breakfast for his anniversary, when she is at the house with him – you name it, he contacts me. He has called me to keep him company on the way home from work driving in the car. He sends me photos of himself (not suggestive ones – he has never done that). The photos are of only him on his sailboat, playing guitar, at work dressed up, etc. All photos are of him alone. He has shared photos of his Mother, Father, and personal momentos numerous occasions. In short, he has shared everything with me, however, I have never seen him face to face since high school. I did go to NY to meet up with friends. He did not see me. We did not discuss it before I went. I did not ask to see him, feeling it would be inappropriate and hard to refrain from wanting more. However, once there, he contacted me and said he was only 20 minutes away. It hurt me. I couldn't understand why he would tell me he was so close, yet so far in a sense. We are very, very close. He has a lot of friends (numerous woman friends), who he has lunch and dinners with, but did not see me. He asked if I understood why he didn't. I said, "Let's discuss". He called me and we talked for 3 hours. He said, "I want to evaluate the merits of my marriage on the relationship with her itself and not involve another person in it". I was elated and relieved, quite honestly(seriously!). I found relief in that he was honorable and respectable, without crossing boundaries with me. However, he spoke to me in detail (or as much as he chose to share, obviously), about a woman he unexpectedly fell in love with last year that he worked with. She is half his age. He researched separating from his wife and explored those thoughts. He discussed them with me in detail (hearing them was difficult for me, due to my increasing feelings for him). He was enormously grateful for the advice I gave him through the situation. It was painful for him and he said it was profound. I think it was a midlife crisis. So, the fact that he chose not to see me, in my opinion, was not limited to his relationship with his wife. I believe he knows we would be together physically and in the long run, I wouldn't be the one he would end up being with. I think he respects me and doesn't want to lose our friendship. He would remain married to his wife, in my opinion. We have had "sex" over facebook messages, after he broached the subject of sex, then followed it up by saying how he thought of me in that way. We have since had at least 8 or so "sex" talks of scenarios, where we would and how it would all unravel. He has described combing my hair, kissing me on the forehead and endearing things that make me feel drawn to him. Personally, I feel he knows I'm vulnerable because for one, he knows me well. Secondly, he knows I'm single. Both of us have climaxed through our exchanges. We've both acknowledged we've shared a lot. Long story short – I am so torn right now. Torn because I don't want to have these feelings. I no longer want to have sexual interactions in writing on facebook with him. It is making me desire him with such an intensity, it is now hurting, rather than helping my relationship with him. I have tried to "pull away" subtly by feigning "being busy" with "lots going on", etc. Inevitably, he seeks me out and draws me back in. It's a cyclical, fine line without clear boundaries. My dilemma – I'm wondering if I should have a conversation with him about my feelings. I feel that subconsciously, I would be hoping that when he heard how I was feeling, he would be surprised, but happy. However, I know intuitively, this will not be the case. I think it would ultimately shift our friendship onto a different level. I would be the one hurt, ashamed and embarrassed (just my opinion). I would want to run from it, once I had told him. Second scenario – we talk about it and I let him know I do not want or feel our sexual interactions are respectful or in my best interests. I will tell him that they had increased my desire to see him and be with him, along with my feelings I have for him. Third scenario – say nothing, preserve my dignity and self-respect, step away from the sexual conversation (how?) and fade away a little, putting distance between us. The entails saying nothing as to why. I've been trying this approach for some time now, though, and it is not changing anything. All it seems to do is make it harder for me to suppress my feelings. This is on my mind inordinately, to the point it's all I think about. I break into a smile when I see his text, calls, messages. He lights up my life. I have fallen in love with him. I don't want to be in love with him. I know it will not be good for me in the long run and most importantly, he is married. So, what should I do? How should I handle this? Is it selfish of him to put me in this position? Is it narcissistic on some level? I believe he has significant emotional needs being unmet by his wife. He told me he is missing the normal human to human connection with her. So, something is amiss there, however, that's not my problem. What is my problem, per se, is the current situation I find myself in with him – I'm more and more and more in love with him. I want to end these deep feelings. I want peace in my heart and would love to have a continued friendship. I don't know if it's possible? I know a tremendous piece of my life would be missing if he weren't a part of it. I would miss him terribly. So, do I acknowledge these feelings and simply say, "Our interactions have naturally increased my desire to be with you. I have feelings for you that have deepened, however, I feel I need to scale those back. I don't feel it's where things should lead. I'm embarrassed and fearful to share these thoughts with you." How on earth should I handle this situation?

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