| I'm going to try and condense my situation as best as possible to avoid a long read. I have a GF of 3 yrs, and we moved in with each other last year. She has a 3 yr old daughter, and I LOVE that girl. I treat her, think of her, and provide for her as if she were mine. (Her BioDad is in jail). Things were great, we had fun, we laffed, and had somewhat regular sex.(once week?) There is A LOT of abusive history on her end, but i will stick to the point. Ive been the nice guy the entire time. Catering to her every need. Anything she wanted, or I felt she wanted, I'd do. The word "No" wasn't in my vocabulary.I work HARD, and put in many hours so we can be taken care of, and she knows that I have children, a new home, and a future in mind with her. I spent money, time, always putting her and her daughter first. I always had a mentality of treating her how she should be treated, especially because of how her Ex-husband treated her, which was the opposite. I Over-did it, probably trying to make up for the years she was treated like crap. Over time, I wasn't receivin g anything back, or very little. No reciprocation. she is a HORRIBLE communicator, and rarely, if ever, would tell me what shes was feeling, good or bad. I, however am all about talking, snuggling, pillowtalk, catching up, and lending an ear. Being what I thought every woman generally wanted out of a man. I'm romantic, Im your best friend, Im your provider, Im a great lover, and did my best to show her, via her daughter, that I am husband and father material. She cooks, i do the dishes. She does laundry, I help fold. Everyone I know, family and friends have ALWAYS referred to me as a saint, as a keeper, and showed jealousy that THEIR man wasn't more like me... I soaked that all in. I consider myself an attractive man. Some low esteem because of some teeth issues, but I do get the attention of the ladies, but I have always ignored them. I respect my relationship with my girl, and I was following my guidelines of what a REAL man should be. Yeah, apparently I was wrong. Recen tly realizing I suffer from the "Nice Guy Syndrome" So for about a year now, Ive been acting and doing what I thought is how she wanted, but at the same time she would never express to me what her needs ARE. About every 3 months, our silence and resentment would build into a blow-up, and then she would tell me what Im doing wrong. I was completely open to her yelling and emails. I hated that it always took a potential break-up for her to actually tell me, but Id tell her THANK YOU BABE for telling me, thats all you have to DO ! If you dont ntell me what Im doing wrong, Ill keep doing it. A member here told me to tell her that my crystal ball is broken. So I have her body language, her actions, and her reactions to me to go on only. And hear I am being equally opposite by pleading for her to talk, and to listen to me as well. shes a runner. she compartmentalizes, and eventually runs to her moms house when shes not happy here. UGH. I plead, and beg, and whine....I was mopey, t elling her I need affection, I need sex, I need to give YOU sex, I need to express my love and keep connected with her. I LUST her body, loved to be passionate with her, make love, and give gifts at times. I Appreciated her as a mother, as a homemaker, and supported all of her goals and accomplishments. All she heard was the word NEED, and simply called me an emotional, needy, mopey man. that she didn't find that attractive at all, and she cant bring herself to have sex with such a man. She wanted a man with a backbone, to be confident, and be happy. She resented me, and for the life of me, after alllll i've done for her and her daughter, (Which I know is important to a single mom), I couldnve understand why she completely discounted the good Ive done, wouldnt take the steps to find out what the problem is with me, and treated me like IM the reason shes like this. She told me I acted like the victim. I am the touchy-type. I love to give and receive hugs, kisses...putting ar ms around, slap on the booty-type behavior. She is NOT. But I cried out to her that I neee this from her, at least more than what she was giving. So after reading these forums for the last 5-6 days, Ive learned a lot about myself. Im realizing that I've put all of my reliance on HER to bring me happiness. which I think I did. I have no friends, hobbies, or passions. I rarely go out, or do anything on my own. Always wanted her included. Found out she is a lot more independent than I am. So 4 days ago, I decided to do the "180". Im keeping busy. I decided to start doing Computer repair again. I actually spent money on some clothes for myself. To feel good. To show accomplishment in my life. I got my teeth fixed, so now I SMILE AGAIN!! :) Im learning to be loder, because I mumble a lot. Im showing that I dont care what people think, Im learning to say no to people, especially her, setting boundaries. (She even admitted..Yes, I might get mad. Im a spoiled princess-type. I will roll my eyes, and slam doors. But tell me NO. Ill get over it. Just stand your ground. I need put in my place sometimes. I need a leader.) She appar ently has noticed. last night, she randomly came up to me, and kissed me so passionately, for 10 seconds. We havent kissed like that in 2 years. They have always been pecks. An hour later, she left to sleep at her moms, and she squeezed my butt. WHOA. She's seeing SOMETHING in me ! Im getting what i want so far, and it's because Of how I feel about myself? I think I'm doing the right thing, FOR ME, and I hope in turn, she will start treating me how I like to be treated. Yes, communication still needs work, but I think she will enjoy my company now, will start showing her affection back to me, and hopefully will initiate sex with me soon! All I know is, Ive pulled back, Ive shown her that she isnt the only thing in my life, I wont be the one going in for the kiss everytime, and laid-off on the "I miss you" texts. Any feedback would help !:smthumbup: | |||
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