This bothers me... a lot.. I have expressed this to my husband and never get an answer. I try not to prod... really try not to.. but he simply leaves me without an answer.
We have had our issues, me especially, this particular matter though seems to always bring us to the counselors table. We have since solved our differences pertaining to my job, and I have been assured that it is not the cause of his distress. Still, I am making more of an effort to go home more often, even though I will make less money.
Anyway, to the task at hand.
About two years ago, maybe last year, my husband began writing prisoners for pen pals. He asked me if I was ok with it and I said yes, because I thought he would approach it in a friendly manner. However, after a while he was very secretive of his letters and began getting paranoid about writing them with me in the room. He refused to share or discuss anything about his new "friends" and I let enough alone thinking, everyone deserves their privacy.
When his paranoia turned into suggestion I began to get even more supsicious. One day out of the blue he asked me if I was cheating on him. I was suprised as I had never given him any reason to question my loyalty to him. I responded in kind, and assured him I was not cheating on him nor had I been. He let the matter go.
He began storing his letters in "secret" places, whenever he left the house he would return and ask me if I had been "snooping" for the letters. Paranoid that I would find them.
His behavior made me worried, I got nervous that these letters were more than pen pal letters. I let my own paranoid thoughts get the better of me, I didn't want to be that girl who was too stupid to realize she was being cheated on or did not know what was going on in her own house.
So I broke marital promise and read the letters. I in no way claim that this was alright to do for anyone, it was an invasion of his privacy. It was wrong and I knew it was wrong when I did it and have openly admitted it to our couselor at the time.
However, what I read in the letters made me cry so hard, I felt so betrayed. The women he had been writing, were expressing their love to him, talking about how things would be when they met, and made no mention of a wife at all. It was like I didn't exist. They knew about his daughter because they made claims to be good mothers and they would make him happy.
I put the letters back where I had found them and kept what I had learned to myself. It was not a fair judgment on my part because I had no idea what he had written them, so I couldn't confront him about it because I didn't know his side of the story.
Because sometimes we're all a little stupid, I began asking him questions, innocent questions, ones he refused to answer with "You don't need to worry about that" or "Its none of your business" I mentioned to him, "It bothers me when you don't acknowledge to friends that you have a wife" from this a received quite the screaming match about how he was proud to call me his wife, all in all his defense was a little overboard. It was too much for such a small comment.
When we finally did go to counseling after he wanted to break off our marriage, and decided he would just toss my things on the street for me to pick up, to which he apologized for immensely but it was the reason we went to counseling.
I admitted to my husband and the counselor that I had read the letters. My husband was extremely upset and he was warranted to be upset, no doubt, however, when I asked him why he would keep letters of such a nature he refused to answer and continued to speak about my betrayal and invasion of privacy and about how he would never trust me with anything ever again. The counselor asked him as well, he would not answer. To this day he will not answer. Now, just moments ago, I was looking back on our old POF (plenty of fish) member sites, how young we were when we met, how adorable he was, and noticed that his membership still says "No Commitment" whereas mine says "In a commitment".
I do not understand why he is so hesitant to admit that he has a wife... am I just paranoid about this? Is this a normal thing for guys? Maybe it isn't even a big deal and I am just making it into one.. please keep in mind this whole process from start to finish lasted over six months...
I would really like to hear all your thoughts on the matter...
We have had our issues, me especially, this particular matter though seems to always bring us to the counselors table. We have since solved our differences pertaining to my job, and I have been assured that it is not the cause of his distress. Still, I am making more of an effort to go home more often, even though I will make less money.
Anyway, to the task at hand.
About two years ago, maybe last year, my husband began writing prisoners for pen pals. He asked me if I was ok with it and I said yes, because I thought he would approach it in a friendly manner. However, after a while he was very secretive of his letters and began getting paranoid about writing them with me in the room. He refused to share or discuss anything about his new "friends" and I let enough alone thinking, everyone deserves their privacy.
When his paranoia turned into suggestion I began to get even more supsicious. One day out of the blue he asked me if I was cheating on him. I was suprised as I had never given him any reason to question my loyalty to him. I responded in kind, and assured him I was not cheating on him nor had I been. He let the matter go.
He began storing his letters in "secret" places, whenever he left the house he would return and ask me if I had been "snooping" for the letters. Paranoid that I would find them.
His behavior made me worried, I got nervous that these letters were more than pen pal letters. I let my own paranoid thoughts get the better of me, I didn't want to be that girl who was too stupid to realize she was being cheated on or did not know what was going on in her own house.
So I broke marital promise and read the letters. I in no way claim that this was alright to do for anyone, it was an invasion of his privacy. It was wrong and I knew it was wrong when I did it and have openly admitted it to our couselor at the time.
However, what I read in the letters made me cry so hard, I felt so betrayed. The women he had been writing, were expressing their love to him, talking about how things would be when they met, and made no mention of a wife at all. It was like I didn't exist. They knew about his daughter because they made claims to be good mothers and they would make him happy.
I put the letters back where I had found them and kept what I had learned to myself. It was not a fair judgment on my part because I had no idea what he had written them, so I couldn't confront him about it because I didn't know his side of the story.
Because sometimes we're all a little stupid, I began asking him questions, innocent questions, ones he refused to answer with "You don't need to worry about that" or "Its none of your business" I mentioned to him, "It bothers me when you don't acknowledge to friends that you have a wife" from this a received quite the screaming match about how he was proud to call me his wife, all in all his defense was a little overboard. It was too much for such a small comment.
When we finally did go to counseling after he wanted to break off our marriage, and decided he would just toss my things on the street for me to pick up, to which he apologized for immensely but it was the reason we went to counseling.
I admitted to my husband and the counselor that I had read the letters. My husband was extremely upset and he was warranted to be upset, no doubt, however, when I asked him why he would keep letters of such a nature he refused to answer and continued to speak about my betrayal and invasion of privacy and about how he would never trust me with anything ever again. The counselor asked him as well, he would not answer. To this day he will not answer. Now, just moments ago, I was looking back on our old POF (plenty of fish) member sites, how young we were when we met, how adorable he was, and noticed that his membership still says "No Commitment" whereas mine says "In a commitment".
I do not understand why he is so hesitant to admit that he has a wife... am I just paranoid about this? Is this a normal thing for guys? Maybe it isn't even a big deal and I am just making it into one.. please keep in mind this whole process from start to finish lasted over six months...
I would really like to hear all your thoughts on the matter...
Put the internet to work for you.
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