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How do you handle adult kid events when you truly hate your ex?

I filed a year and a half ago. Pushing now to finalize the divorce of a marginal 20+ year marriage.

STBXW came into the marriage with nothing. Her family has nothing. I have my family's business and assets. Stupidly, no prenup. Despite her uber-religiousness (extremely Catholic), she is positioning to nail me (i.e. steal) for half of everything. (FWIW, I'm in PA) I'm OK with her taking half the marital assets but she is also going after my parents assets (now mine due to life complications years ago - so, yea, that's marital now too) which were meant for their security when they need to go into an assisted living arrangement. They are in their mid 80's and not in good health. (do they have any legal recourse?)

The magnitude of anger and hatred I have towards her is beyond anything I've ever thought possible. (to be very clear, I have no intentions of acting on that anger. I'm not that stupid. I have the responsibility of the kids and my parents to think about)

The thing is, I truly want my STBXW out of my life.

The thought of coming face to face with her makes me want to throw up. The kids and I endured years of emotional abuse. No cheating. Nothing physical. Just emotional. People with some authority have stated that she is Borderline, Munchausen's by Proxy among other things. Serious psych stuff that pushed our son ("the proxy") to the point of suicide.

Both of our kids are now college age. Our son has sworn off marriage (famous last words, right?...). Our daughter is bound to marry her HS BF, though no time soon. I truly *want* to walk my daughter down the aisle.

Thinking this through, the only time can I foresee coming face to face with my STBXW (or her family) is at our kid's weddings and when grandkids start to show up.


My question is.....

What do you do when kid events occur and you are forced to face your ex and her/his family?

What did you do? How did you do it? How did you survive the event?

This is really stressing me. Any insights would be *greatly* appreciated.

--Jim

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