You can probably look up my previous stories on here somewhere, but long story short, several years ago I was on here because my wife left me and it turned out that she was having an affair with her boss at work. I handled that situation entirely wrong, and ended up separated for a year. I had moved on, was doing well, and this apparently attracted her. We ended up reconciling. Fast forward to April 2014 and history was repeating itself with another man. She was exhibiting the same behaviors - withdrawn, uninterested, etc. This time I went full PI mode with some help from some folks on here. I got the evidence I needed, confronted with divorce papers, and went full 180. She pulled the classic rage reaction, telling me she hates me, etc., etc. After a couple weeks of her acting like this, when it was time to sit down to discuss separation terms, she broke down completely and for the first time in years I had seen real remorse in her. Over the n ext several days she revealed a lot, was transparent, acknowledged that she has issues that stem from her mother. I was encouraged by this and agreed to hold off on divorce while she received counseling. I think I gave in a bit too easily here. Sure, I had terms that she had to meet, but over the next couple months that faded. Life just settled back to where it was before the affair. Things were very good. We both felt very good about the marriage, and were both grateful for another chance. That is, until recently.
Over the last couple months she has withdrawn again. She's had no interest in intimacy with me, and in general didn't seem to be very interested in me or what's happening in my life. I would barely get a "how was your day?" from her. I don't need to get into the details here. You all know exactly what I'm talking about. I approached her quickly with my feelings, expressing that this is suspicious considering our past. I was reassured over and over again that she was just not in a great mood and that truly everything was fine. This situation led to routine arguments because I could not tolerate her lack of interest in me. This continued to escalate quickly to a miserable existence. I avoided going into PI mode for a while, but decided that my gut instinct was too strong. I ended up getting evidence that she has been pursuing our next door neighbor.
Something never felt right about he and her to me. I knew they were friendly with each other, and there had been texts here and there over the last 6-7 months, but I noticed that whenever I was around they didn't really act like they knew each other well. Several months ago I confronted my wife with records of text messages that she exchanged with him late at night one night when she was out with a friend. This was earlier this summer, before any of her behavior had changed. I told her that was absolutely unacceptable, and she assured me that he was having problems with his girlfriend and they sometimes talked about that. I actually left our house for the night because I was so pissed off, and the story didn't add up. We had another heart to heart about this and she acknowledged that she shouldn't be texting any other men, especially since we were still in R from her previous affair. Because her behavior toward me was still good, and our relationship was going well I l et it fade and things were fine.
So over the past week or so I have been in PI mode and discovered that she is communicating with this guy all the time via Snapchat and other methods, and that she is also sneaking over there for visits when I'm traveling on business and the kids are in bed (how convenient that your affair partner lives next door). From the evidence I have it is clear that she has feelings for this guy, but he does not necessarily share the same strong feelings for her. It is unclear from what I have whether they have been full on physical yet, but I am assuming yes. But this truly doesn't make a difference to me. The fact that we are already in R, means that any dishonestly and/or feelings for another man are deal breakers, whether they slept together or not.
I confronted a few days ago. I left work because I was too emotional, and went into the house while she was bringing our youngest to preschool to pack up some clothes and I left. She came home, noticed I had packed some things up, and started texting and calling. I ignored for most of the day, but ended up going back there to confront. She denied, acted hateful, angry. Again, you all know the deal here. She started throwing my clothes out of the house and said she wanted a divorce. She was extremely pissed that I had spied on her. Typical backwards logic of a cheater. I left that night and spent 3 nights at a hotel and friend's house. I spent last night there to be with my kids (while she was out of course), and now I am away on business for the rest of the week. I know what needs to happen here. I guess I'm just looking for advice and support on how to stay strong. As angry and hurt as I am, and as clear as it is that this woman will never change, I can't help but be hesitant to completely end it (because I do love most things about her, and I love my 3 little girls).
Here is the interesting part of this. She has become very close friends with a neighborhood woman over the last few months. The two of them have been going out a lot this Summer, staying out late. I didn't like this much because I wished she wanted to be with me more, but didn't think it was that big of a deal. Well it turns out that this woman is messing around too. Her and my wife are hooking up with random guys when they go out. These two women have been encouraging each other, probably because it is a great way for each to rationalize their own issues. So here is the question: Do I expose this other woman's behavior to her husband? What are the pros/cons of doing this?
Let me have it for being too easy on her after her previous affairs. This situation is very f'ed up. I know this relationship must end, and that is what I am pursuing. I wish I could make it easy, but I obviously love her and hate the idea of not living with my kids. Just need to fight off the emotions, and have a plan for if/when she realizes that she f'ed up badly (again).