New here - I've spent days reading 100's of threads and found a lot of useful advice. But most ideas I've already tried with limited success.
I'm 48, wife is 42. Married with 3 teenagers. Life is seemingly perfect. My career has really taken off the past 5 years. No more money stress. No health issues. Family is all well - everyone getting older of course. We have the big house and nice cars.
My wife was able to become a stay at home mom - which I thought was the answer to everything as work stress killed her libido and made her just an unhappy person in general.
So here we are and still her libido is just not in sync with mine. We are once a week - at night, in our bedroom for 1- 2 hours.
The weird thing to me, which is hard to explain in a forum post like this and she is very into it. She's always been into watching porn, using toys, trying new positions. 90% of the time she o's - and usually 2-5 times. She doesn't like the mess/fluids but other than that will do most anything - and likes it.
But apart from that 1-2 hours on a weekend night she is just so conservative. She doesn't like me to flirt with her or vice-versa, no sex talk. No build up.
I think it has a lot to do with her self-esteem but she's very hot and fit. I try to build her up but she still prefers sex in the dark. I used to blame it on her stress - but now she finds other things to stress about besides work.
I know I'm a giver and she's a taker. I've tried the no more mr nice guy approach and it has possibly helped some - we are at least now a regular once a week. But she has no drive to do more. I like the build up, the flirting. The possibility of sex somewhere other than our bedroom.
She won't sext me or send sexy pics. Only buys conservative lingerie - which she only wears if I push her. It's like a switch goes off after we have sex - no more of that for another week. After we do have sex I almost get sad knowing it will be a week before I feel that connection with her again.
I worry that by giving her the world it's working against me. I let her buy whatever she wants within reason. We make all major financial decisions together.
So to try to sum it up - she has low self-esteem, is very adventurous sexually but only for 1-2 hours per week and does not have a giver type personality. She would never read a book or get on-line to look into any of this. She always make me feel like she doesn't care and I should just be happy with what I have.
When I tell her I love the connection we had when we have been in sync in the past, she makes me feel like a whiney little kid.
One other weird thing - she hates to kiss. No kissing during sex or at other times. Pecks only. Says it's not just me - she's always disliked it. I kinda miss passionate kisses!
I have talked to her so many times - we really do communicate.
Her response to me for the past year has been to just take her whenever I'm in the mood. Which I have tried but it feels so one-sided with no buildup during the day - or even right before we have sex. Sometimes when I take her it's really good for both of us - but I guess I want to be wanted more.