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need advice: regaining financial control

Since the beginning of our marriage over 13 years ago my wife has "taken care of" the finances. Basically, she has missed payments, racked up debt, and pretty much made a huge mess of things. She's even taken out personal loans in my name and renewed a credit card of mine (that I had finally paid off and wanted cancelled) without my knowledge. She has sole access to pretty much all of our accounts and banking info. I've tried to get some transparency on her part and asked her to make a budget with me and pay bills together. She has no interest in this and when I've threatened to cut her off and do it myself (I'm the only income source and have been for a decade) she says she will divorce me. I'm basically being forced to chose between my own peace of mind or my family (wife and two kids). I'd like to hear from anyone who's dealt with this. I don't want to fight dirty but I will if I have to. Just trying to figure out a way to make this right without my ma rriage ending.

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